Dave wasn't the cake connoisseur of his friend group back home, but it didn't take an expert to declare this cake unbelievably shitty. So seeing a guy shoveling it into his face with the enthusiasm of a starving man was kind of horrifying. Lingering by the cake table, Dave made a face, distaste and vague concern recognizable despite the aviators.

"Pretty sure we can count downing this shit as a form of masochism," he said, a hint of Texan drawl in that deadpan. "Or maybe self-harm in the form of shitty baked goods. Is this depression or a kink? You gotta let us know whether or not we should be calling a therapist. Suicide by cake isn't the answer, you've got so much to live for."