SHEETCAKE PARTY #1

[goneawaymod]

SHEET CAKE MEETUP

“Who the fuck is Linda?”

The question pops up every few minutes, a little tack of punctuation above the offensively-inoffensive music being piped in*. The room the hires have been ushered into is clearly just a conference room, with a layout that requires either sitting at awkwardly-spaced intervals around a giant table or milling and scooting around the smaller folding table, where the “big surprise” the corporate officers promised them is on display: a sheet cake.

A sheet cake that that still bears HAPPY BIRTH DAY LINDA in blue icing across the top, although someone has, at least, gone to the effort of writing welcome, to the team new hires in Sharpie on a purple flashcard and used a Popsicle stick and tape to plant it like a dismal flag right in the middle of Linda’s “DAY”. Dedication aside, the cake itself looks pretty suspect too, not as if it were poisoned but more like if it were salvaged. The cake part looks dry, and the frosting seems strangely...sweaty. No one’s eating yet, and yet there’s already a piece missing.

However, there’s no lack of enthusiasm around the room. A projector hooked up to a laptop casts an off-center, warped rectangle of WELCOME TO, THE BEST TEAM. NEW HIRES!! onto a wall. The many paper plates have a festive print, although they all seem to be Christmas themed. The table cloth looks as if it came from both 4th of July and potentially a war, given the scuffs and tears. The shot-glass sized paper cups are inadequate to hold a satisfying amount of sparkling cider, but at least they don’t leak. There are many more plastic knives than forks, which could prompt some hires to give in to their animal instincts and just use their hands, or perhaps start a barter economy for the better utensils.

“I’m so jealous,” a corporate employee keeps saying as she ushers hires into the room. “We haven’t had a good party in this office since Kelly’s baby shower, and that little girl practically has teeth now!”

(An eagle-eyed hire may suspect that the box of donuts next to the sheet cake might have come from said baby shower, on account of the fact that the few stale hunks of donut remaining have Pepto-Bismol pink strawberry icing and that there’s still the paper envelope for a gift card with ITS A GIRL written on it.)

Most of corporate slips out after the hires get set up - this is clearly an event for the hires to do some “team building” and work on “rapport” in addition to filling their bellies with cake that tastes remarkably like sand. There’s a karaoke machine in the corner, but hires are instructed not to touch it because, as an employee points out, last year’s Christmas party demonstrated that karaoke is the worst thing in the entire world for morale (“in any world! even before this one got eaten away by the bombs!”).

There’s an additional big glass jar filled with scraps of paper, which the hires are informed are filled with prompts for ice breakers and activities in case the party needs a pick-me-up. Any hire who investigates will find that most of the ice breaker activities start with three benign questions (“what’s your name?” “where are you from?” “what’s your favorite animal?”) and somehow, always a fourth question that feels a little invasive (“what are your feelings on unions?” “under what circumstances would you kill an innocent person?” “do you use the same passwords for all your accounts?”).

“Please enjoy yourselves and all the desserts Jorgmund has generously supplied you with,” one of the employees says on her way out, “and don’t worry about making a mess, janitorial gets paid too much to sit around as is.”

*All music that can be summarized as ’grocerycore’.

Comments

[credit_not_blame]

"Yeah, etymology is a bit beyond me in general," Stacia says. "It's a pretty goofy, harmless-sounding word though. I guess humans who can't use magic aren't much of a threat to those who can."

[thewholeofthemoon]

"Really depends. I mean, if you're good at shielding spells, guns aren't really much of a bother. If you aren't..." Remus had to shrug. "Of course, then you run into issues of how to explain it when the bullets ricochet away from you. And that gets into memory modification, which is a tricky thing to manage."

[credit_not_blame]

"I imagine that would depend on the gun," Stacia says thoughtfully. "I don't generally have to worry about memory modification back home, most people are more than happy to convince themselves that they didn't really see an eight-foot slavering wolf monster doing...well, anything at all." Not entirely true, but she doesn't want to get into the history behind why the vast majority of humans suffer traumatic amnesia as a result of spotting a Garou in Crinos.

[thewholeofthemoon]

"Well. To be fair, guns aren't quite as common in the UK as they are in the US." Even if he was from before most guns being outlawed. "And most Muggles are perfectly able to convince themselves other things have happened than what they've actually seen. Which is partly how we are able to keep ourselves hidden."

[credit_not_blame]

"Thank goodness for the "that doesn't make sense so I couldn't have possibly seen it" survival instinct of humanity," Stacia says sagely. "Makes it so much easier to be part of a vast and secret conspiracy."

[thewholeofthemoon]

"It's definitely been useful from time to time. Especially when you're the weird kid at school who seems to get sick once a month." Far more worrying in wizarding areas, but most Muggles just wrote it off as...bad luck, he thought.