Funnily enough, the moments he thinks he was the happiest were the ones that were actually the most loveless, more than he realizes. He always had to pretend to be human, anyway, and of course Project Freelancer would make him happy when not only he didn't have to pretend, he was required, needed to be his destructive self.
Studying and torturing everyone was so much closer to the traditional love he was unable to give. The pure devotion, attention, care that it took. It was a form of worship, in exchange for them giving him their entire being as they begged him to ease the pain not in a close minded and selfish way, rather in a deep and intimate way, grasping at his hand to be led down the path of self discovery. It was like setting off a firework: you destroy something, it emits its pained whistle, but then it explodes and culminates in a beautiful spectrum of colours, drawing petals of this majestic flower that blossoms and keeps expanding until it disappears, and it's right because it disappears so soon that it is beautiful, because you have to catch the moment, and no moment is ever as intense as the last one. That's why the light in people's eyes is such a treasure.
The Director more than everybody else gave him this thrill, because he teased him. He let him in on his most precious, glorious, genius idea and allowed him to assist him, to witness him, to experience him in this indirect way that became more and more direct as the Director's addiction grew. It felt like a one night stand that they both knew was damaging but it was so good they just had to come back to it and repeat it, repeat it, repeat it.
Price always liked to think that the Director was attracted to him right for this reason and was in complete denial because he was in too deep in 'doing it for this wife' that it was the only way he could justify it to himself. Price liked to lie to himself, yes, the Director didn't care about him, but that remote possibility enticed him because come on, the man gave him everything: a place to live, a role in making a great discovery, a redemption as they were going to save the galaxy, a family, an army of interesting people, and toys. There was only one thing missing, and if that was fulfilled too it would have been better than Price's 'great love' back when he was married, because the Director needed him as he is even while being so full of emotions, unlike everybody else the more that man got filthy the more he got purer, which made Price the perfect fit for him. Or at least, in Price's special conception of love. He felt perfect and beautiful when he was trusted with everyone's pretty emotions. Then it all went out of hand and everything was yanked away from him, and the Director ratted him out. That's some recognition for someone who's lived with you for ten years, obeyed your every order, and took care of you and your daughter more than your wife ever did! Ungrateful bastard...
He thinks of him, then he thinks of Wrath who was so quick to judge him because of his involvement with Project Freelancer (being completely right about it) and then suddenly telling him she was wrong about him because he was nice to her and helped her make a cake. Of course she disappeared from the Rig and he never saw her again, God forbid he gets to have friends. Not a problem, though, she was fooled by some gesture and he would have had to walk on eggshells to secure whatever bond with her, so maybe it was for the best, and as for Dan...
Well, he feels like Dan is somewhere halfway through those two cases, and it's very confusing. Does Dan need him as he is for real? Or is he just fooling him to turn it against him later, like in some sort of cruel test where he has to second guess everything he says, thinks, and does? It's scary. Oh, but the way Dan strokes his hair feels very nice. It makes him feel a tingle that goes down to his back to the rest of his body, and his breath hitches. Then he hums to communicate his enjoyment. He looks up at Dan, and timidly kisses his cheek.
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Studying and torturing everyone was so much closer to the traditional love he was unable to give. The pure devotion, attention, care that it took. It was a form of worship, in exchange for them giving him their entire being as they begged him to ease the pain not in a close minded and selfish way, rather in a deep and intimate way, grasping at his hand to be led down the path of self discovery. It was like setting off a firework: you destroy something, it emits its pained whistle, but then it explodes and culminates in a beautiful spectrum of colours, drawing petals of this majestic flower that blossoms and keeps expanding until it disappears, and it's right because it disappears so soon that it is beautiful, because you have to catch the moment, and no moment is ever as intense as the last one. That's why the light in people's eyes is such a treasure.
The Director more than everybody else gave him this thrill, because he teased him. He let him in on his most precious, glorious, genius idea and allowed him to assist him, to witness him, to experience him in this indirect way that became more and more direct as the Director's addiction grew. It felt like a one night stand that they both knew was damaging but it was so good they just had to come back to it and repeat it, repeat it, repeat it.
Price always liked to think that the Director was attracted to him right for this reason and was in complete denial because he was in too deep in 'doing it for this wife' that it was the only way he could justify it to himself. Price liked to lie to himself, yes, the Director didn't care about him, but that remote possibility enticed him because come on, the man gave him everything: a place to live, a role in making a great discovery, a redemption as they were going to save the galaxy, a family, an army of interesting people, and toys. There was only one thing missing, and if that was fulfilled too it would have been better than Price's 'great love' back when he was married, because the Director needed him as he is even while being so full of emotions, unlike everybody else the more that man got filthy the more he got purer, which made Price the perfect fit for him. Or at least, in Price's special conception of love. He felt perfect and beautiful when he was trusted with everyone's pretty emotions.
Then it all went out of hand and everything was yanked away from him, and the Director ratted him out. That's some recognition for someone who's lived with you for ten years, obeyed your every order, and took care of you and your daughter more than your wife ever did! Ungrateful bastard...
He thinks of him, then he thinks of Wrath who was so quick to judge him because of his involvement with Project Freelancer (being completely right about it) and then suddenly telling him she was wrong about him because he was nice to her and helped her make a cake. Of course she disappeared from the Rig and he never saw her again, God forbid he gets to have friends. Not a problem, though, she was fooled by some gesture and he would have had to walk on eggshells to secure whatever bond with her, so maybe it was for the best, and as for Dan...
Well, he feels like Dan is somewhere halfway through those two cases, and it's very confusing. Does Dan need him as he is for real? Or is he just fooling him to turn it against him later, like in some sort of cruel test where he has to second guess everything he says, thinks, and does? It's scary. Oh, but the way Dan strokes his hair feels very nice. It makes him feel a tingle that goes down to his back to the rest of his body, and his breath hitches. Then he hums to communicate his enjoyment. He looks up at Dan, and timidly kisses his cheek.