goneawayworld | HARK! How the bells, sweet silver bells...

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HARK! How the bells, sweet silver bells...

Who: Everyone
What: Holiday Events
Where: Piper 90 - The Rig
When: Post-Rose Tattoo
Warnings/Notes: Holiday cheer, smooches, tactical snowball action

It's the Holiday Season in the Gone Away World and on the Rig in particular! Though they claim to be open to any cultural celebration of this time of year, the dominance of Santa Claus, reindeer, and elves in decorating really kind of blunt that claim. But the PA system, when not blaring alarms or fuzzy announcements for working party C to show up at the maintenance bay, play Christmas tunes of all sorts at inconvenient volumes. Decorations hang limply from the walls. And every worker with children has been issued a shotgun and a bandoleer of shells loaded with pellets of cold iron.

Just in case.

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"What do you want me to say? That I'm angry?" Adora snaps back, brow furrowing. She was trying to be supportive. And this isn't about her, is it?

"That I want you to stay away from Tenten forever or something?" Which isn't fair, but Adora's not really sure what it is Catra wants out of her.

"I'm worried about you, that's how I feel! I'm upset that this is stressing you out! But I'm not - I'm not jealous because I trust you!"

Which isn't entirely the truth. She's a little jealous. But Catra also came to her immediately so it's not like she has to worry about compeition, right?

"I would be jealous!" Catra shoots back. But that's because she's Catra, because she would fear losing Adora to someone better than her. Someone who is actually good and worth loving instead of someone who has only ever hurt others.

"Maybe I want you to be jealous! Maybe I want you to say something about how you don't want me to be with someone else! Not just, let it play it out or if that's what you want or whatever! I want you to say what you want, not just what you think will make me happy, Adora!" It's not a fair thing to say and it's not Adora she's angry at. Or Tenten. Or anyone. She's scared and stressed and doesn't know how to be except to be sharp and prickly. She needs proof right now that Adora wants her and for some reason this isn't giving it to her. She balls her hands into fists.

"What if I said I did like her. That I did want to have a relationship with her? Then what?"

Edited 2020-12-04 19:38 (UTC)

Adora's the opposite. She would hate to see Catra go, but she'd bottle it all up, twist it and bury it because she has to do things for other people. She wants other people to be happy. If she can't provide that, then what good is she? She can't be selfish. Can she?

"I wouldn't want you to be with someone else!" Adora's guts twist into a knot, "I love you so much it hurts, but - but if you really wanted to be with someone, I couldn't... force you to love me. Or to stay. No matter how much I might want to..."

She grips at her arm, one arm across her body, feeling tense and defensive and unhappy.

"Why are you asking me this?"

"I--" Catra digs into herself, trying to find words that will help express herself. The truth is she needs to bare herself, to make herself vulnerable. It is terrifying. More terrifying than anything she has ever done, she thinks.

"I want--I want to be a good friend and a good partner and I'm scared," she says with a glance away, her anger starting to melt into melancholy.

"I'm scared you don't actually want me and I guess--I wanted you to..." She fidgets. "I wanted you to say something that made me feel like this was a big deal to you because it's a big deal to me."

"...I'm not worth the effort. From either of you. And I'm scared you'll realize that eventually." Silence follows.

"I'm sorry."

"Catra..." Adora frowns and tries to wrap her up in a hug.

"You don't need to be sorry. I'm sorry. I just - I didn't think you'd actually... you know... leave me for Tenten."

She half-smiles weakly.

"So I'm... I don't know. I'm worried a little, but I don't feel like I'm about to lose you again. Not to her. Not that... Tenten isn't great... I just don't think - uh. You know what I mean?"

Catra accepts the hug, grateful for the contact and support that comes with it. She clings to Adora, taking deep breaths as she tries to stave off the unhappy anxiety that refuses to leave her alone. The feeling of panic in her chest has calmed somewhat but it still flutters about like a trapped bird beating its wings against a cage.

"I know what you mean," she agrees.

"She's nice but. You're Adora."

"And you're Catra. There's no one else like you anywhere and I wouldn't want you to leave me. I wouldn't want to lose you."

Again, is the unspoken word. Because they had lost each other for a time.

"Trust me, Catra. You're... you mean so much to me, more than I can say. And I need you beside me. More than need, I guess. I want you to be with me. But... not if you'd be unhappy. That's all."

"No. You make me really happy," Catra says hurriedly. She presses close to Adora and hugs her tightly, a low purr starting to rumble out of her chest as she does so. She's spent too much time fucking it all up to want anything else.

"This is going to sound stupid but I feel bad for not being able to make Tenten happy, too?" Ugh when did she start caring about people? Spoiler, she always has, she's just been dealing with trauma.

Adora leans back against the wall and hugs her tightly. She's not trying to hide their relationship, even if Jorgmund doesn't think they ought to have one here. Screw what they think, honestly. This is the happiest she's been in a long time.

"No, I know what you mean..." she replies slowly, "But... you shouldn't have to be responsible for that. Even if she is a friend."

Again, this coming from the woman who thinks everything is her responsibility.

Catra burrows her head against Adora's shoulder and collarbone, nuzzles it. The better to get her scent on her Adora, okay? She sighs quietly.

"Having friends is hard," she mumbles quietly. "And you're one to talk about taking responsibility for everything, dummy." She tilts her head up and presses a kiss to Adora's lips. It's short, soft. Left some passing Jorgmund drone yell at them for necking (it's happened at least once already).

Adora leans in to return the kiss with a little laugh, giving Catra a tight squeeze. They have to snatch these moments where they can, right? Even if Jorgmund doesn't like it. Although maybe that's also a good reason to do it.

"...do you think I should talk to Tenten?"

"No, not right now. I think she probably needs space? I know I would," Catra replies, still leaning into Adora.

"Maybe give her a couple days, then we can both check on her?"

"Like, together? Do you think that would feel overwhelming?"

Adora's not sure, honestly.

"...Maybe it would be," Catra admits.

"Just kinda worried about her, I guess?"

"So am I..." Adora frowns, "Even if there wasn't, uh, this, there's the injury and everything."

She rests her chin on the top of Catra's head.

"What if we made her a cake or something?"

"I don't think a cake is really the best idea. 'Here's a cake, sorry my girlfriend turned you down' doesn't seem... uh... good?" Catra cocks an eyebrow up at Adora. She's not good at apologizing or talking to people but this seems off if you ask her.

"...I don't know, I jsut feel like we should try to make her feel a little better. But maybe space is just the best thing to do."

Adora wrinkles her nose. She doesn't like waiting around.

"I want to make her feel better too, but I don't think cake is the way to do it, Adora," Catra says with a roll of her eyes.

"Let's give her some space. We can check in in a few days, maybe?"

"...yeah. Yeah, OK."

She doesn't know what else to do. A talk is probably in order eventually. She just has to figure out what to say.

"...are you feeling better?"

"Kinda." Not really. She doesn't want to admit that to Adora, though. It'll just lead to a ~talk~ and she really doesn't want to have a conversation about her feelings right now. So... she nuzzles under Adora's chin.

"Leeet's forget decorations and go make out instead."

"Now that sounds like a good idea," Adora laughs, "You think you know a spot where they won't bother us?"

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HARK! How the bells, sweet silver bells...

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