goneawayworld | Not Sleeping Like a Dog

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Not Sleeping Like a Dog

Who: Sirius and Open
What: A great big “dog” sniffing around the Rig. Come and get any much needed therapy dog cuddles and a much more understanding dog than most-- or just find him shapeshifting.
Where: About the rig
When: Night, prior to the Adverse Rig Event
Warnings/Notes: References to imprisonment and dealing with the effects of that. There will be talk of murder and probably PTSD flashbacks in the thread with Remus. Smoking in the thread with Saturday. Will add more here as needed.

I can switch to actionspam if you prefer that.

A. Padding Around (Open)

Sirius couldn’t sleep. Considering he wasn’t welcome in his room and also that he’d taken to spending his nights as a dog lately, this wasn’t surprising. Sirius first started his nightly wandering of the halls as his usual self, then turned into his Animagus form. It was easier to be a dog, less painful, and the smells were far more interesting.

He also had the vague idea that if he were caught like this, he might be in less trouble. Or he might be in more. He’d find out once that happened.

He didn’t check out any rooms just yet. He was just wandering around and getting a mental layout of the place. If anyone approached him, he’d wag his tail and walk slowly toward them. Just a normal, friendly dog. Granted, this dog was huge Newfound-like dog, the size of a short person. Black and shaggy, he could be either terrifying or adorable, depending on one’s view.

Unless they happened to catch him while changing back to Sirius Black, as he sometimes did. In which case, they’d just get a sheepish grin.

B. I Solemnly Swear I Didn’t Betray Our Friends (Closed to Remus)

To say it had been a long day was an understatement. Sirius longed to sleep. And they had actual beds here. On the way to his room he imagined what it would be like to have a nice, restful night in peace and quie--

He stopped just inside of his room. He knew he’d have a roommate, of course. He just didn’t think it’d be…

“Remus,” he said quietly. “This is your room?”

The last time they’d talked had not gone well. It’d been pretty close to explosive, really. Sirius had little hope that this time would be better.

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Sirius didn't mind the questions. He expected more would come. It wasn't exactly easy to talk about any of this, but at least Stacia listened to him.

Familiars weren't exactly a thing where Sirius was from, not in his circles, but he wasn't that unfamiliar, pun unintended (or was it?), with the term.

"No, I'm an Animagus. After completing a ridiculously complicated ritual, a wizard can turn into the animal that best represents them. It's extremely difficult and very rare. It took us ages to teach Peter--" He winced at both the memory and saying that name. "Nevermind."

"So you're a dog at heart, and he's a rat at heart?"

Sirius' answer matched what Remus had told her earlier. Not that Pettigrew was a rat of course, but what an Animagus was.

"What do those animals represent in your culture? Do people know that you were both Animagi?"

Sirius let out a bitter laugh. "Yes, it's obvious now." He'd never forgive himself for missing it. "Rats-- cunning, treachery, anything associated with vermin. I don't know why we didn't see it. He was so useful as a rat, I think none of us thought about it." That didn't stop them from teasing him.

"Dogs are protective, loyal, but in the legends about ghostly black dogs they're usually omens of death." Considering how much death had been in his life, maybe that wasn't entirely wrong either.

He sighed. "Every Animagus has to register. It's carefully monitored because it was so dangerous. We were-- oh, I think thirteen when we got the idea? There was no way we'd get permission to try. So we did it on our own: me and James and-- him. If anyone found out we'd have been sent to Azkaban." Sirius's grin turned to a grimace. He'd probably already served the time he would have if they had caught him. "So only our closest friends knew. Remus knew because we did it to keep him company. Lily married James so she had to know."

About what she'd expect from a British society's opinion of dogs and rats. Still, it meant that Remus was the only person who can vouch for Sirius' dog soul and Pettigrew's rat soul, and that revealing that information would get Sirius in legal trouble anyway. Though all things considered, that society probably wouldn't trust Remus' word as a werewolf anyway.

Still, it's odd that Remus is so certain that Sirius betrayed their friends when the he's magically demonstrated that he's loyal down to his bones.

"I'm probably going to jam my foot in my mouth here, so I apologize in advance," Stacia said. "Why is Remus so certain that it was you instead of Pettigrew when you're a dog and he's a rat?"

Oh, that jamming wasn't a strong enough word for that. Sirius had been anywhere from angry to sad to devastated during the conversation, and his reaction now fit squarely in the last category. His face didn't fall so much as crumple at the question.

He couldn't blame Remus, really. He wanted to-- and probably part of him did-- but he understood. He told himself that a lot.

"I have no proof." Sirius had heard that more than once. "You have to understand, when Peter was our friend, we never really thought about it like that. I don't think he has either. He's spent a year thinking that I'm the traitor and Peter is some hero." That venom toward Peter Pettigrew quite clearly would never go away if the way his tone went acidic was anything to go by.

He paused to shake it off. "There's more but it's complicated and personal." He certainly wasn't willing to share that part of their lives with Stacia. And as for the rest of it, the terror and suspicion everyone, including him felt, that was just too hard to explain.

Stacia raised her eyebrows.

"You realize that I'll be asking Remus similar questions, don't you?" she asked. "Especially if I decide that I believe you. Which, I'll be honest, is looking pretty good for you right now."

Remus wasn't going to accept Sirius' innocence on her say-so, so the only way she could help convince him of it would be to make him question his own assumptions. Fortunately, making people question their own assumptions was literally her job.

"I suspect you've already asked him some of these questions." Sirius didn't know what to make of the fact that it still looked good for him. He needed someone here who didn't think he was a murderer. But Remus might convince her that he was just as terrible as the wizarding world thought.

Stacia also might rub salt in the wound. He wasn't sure how to warn her to tread carefully. What he and Remus meant to each other wasn't exactly accepted in the muggle world, not in his time. And even if it weren't, he doubted Remus would want Sirius to reveal it.

"Don't push him if he doesn't want to answer some questions. It's-- I hurt him," he said that last part quietly. "I should have told him. I should have done a lot of things."

"Obviously you hurt him, you dingbat," Stacia said, rolling her eyes. "He thinks you betrayed your friends to Wizard Hitler in spite of the fact that the animal most accurately representing your soul symbolizes loyalty. I don't think the whole situation with Pettigrew was your fault, he wouldn't have been a rat if he weren't tricky, but whatever you did to Remus? You'd better be prepared to grovel for it or I'm going to want to know why."

She crossed her arms. "Also, I can be very kind and gentle when I want to be. I'm only being mean and straight-forward with you because I'm giving you the trial you should have had regardless of your guilt."

"If you call this mean, you never met my mother," Sirius said shortly.

Really, dingbat and telling him to grovel was far tamer than many things that'd been said to him, especially the words he said to himself. But she was missing the point and seemed too determined to interject herself into their relationship. And that set off his temper-- a little.

"What I'm telling you is that there are things between us that aren't your business," he snapped. The words coming out quickly as his face began to flush. "I don't care what you want to know or if you're trying to give me a trial, I won't let you hurt him more just because you're curious about our relationship." He took a breath, feeling a flare of self-consciousness that he'd actually said 'relationship.' As if that applied for them now. The best you could say about their 'relationship' was it was a disaster.

Stacia sighs.

"I meant that I'm not going to press him too hard while I'm asking questions about your 'relationship', dummy," she says. "He seems like a nice guy who's been kicked around most of his life, I don't particularly care to bully him further. I'm just trying to figure out why he's so sure that you're the traitor when you're a dog. Dogs aren't exactly known for changing their loyalties."

Well, Sirius might be able to turn into a dog but he felt sheepish at the moment. Had he actually said the word relationship? Was he an idiot? Time to just hope that Stacia was one of those who just didn't think about two men being together.

He just didn't know how else to say this was not a good subject without being more explicit. Whatever reasons Remus had to believe he was the traitor probably revolved around their-- ha-- relationship and Sirius's failings.

Sirius grit his teeth. How much of that was he supposed to tell Stacia? Some things were personal. His family, his suspicions, but if it was all going to come out anyway he'd rather she hear it from him as opposed to getting it out of Remus.

He probably should confess anyway. Sirius hadn't changed his loyalty but that hadn't kept him from suspecting.

"I'm not a good dog," Sirius somehow managed to say with a straight face. "If I were, I wouldn't have trusted the wrong friend." He couldn't bring himself to give her more than that when he hadn't even talked to Remus about it. "Another reason not to trust me. My family are purebloods. They supported Voldemort." He could have mentioned his brother but that was too much for Sirius to handle at the moment.

Those memories threatened to take over. The arguments, the hurt, and Andromeda's face when she told him. And there were other memories from before when he still lived with his parents.

"I ran away and they disowned me but..." He shrugged. "I don't know what people think of that now." He leveled Stacia with a look. He'd just spilled some of his dirtiest secrets to a teenager but he knew from experience that teenagers could handle a lot. Besides, she was persistent ~~and possibly still more mature than him.~~ "Is that enough for you to leave him alone?"

Edited 2020-07-07 15:18 (UTC)

"I appreciate you trusting me with the information," Stacia says seriously with a nod of acknowledgment. "But I'm not leaving Remus alone. You asked me to keep an eye on him, remember? And I realize it's very "okay, but that was before I realized that I was going to want to strangle you with my bare hands", but now I'm fond of him. No take-backsies."

Sirius threw up his hands. "I'm not asking you to leave him alone. Don't be deliberately obtuse. I know you understand what I mean." Sirius didn't really but he had a good idea. It wasn't that long ago that he'd been a teenager himself. In some ways he'd never really grown up.

"Do you not want me to try and convince Remus that you didn't actually betray your friends?" Stacia asks. "Because let me tell you, the best way I know how to do that is asking questions until he sees the holes in his assumptions himself. I can't waltz up to him and go hey, I think Sirius isn't lying about not being the traitor, because what the hell do I know? I'm an annoying little American girl who doesn't know anything about anything. Also, he told me to avoid you, so he'd be pretty annoyed if he found out I flagrantly ignored his warning."

Sirius was about to continue snapping at Stacia but at the mention of Remus telling Stacia to avoid him, he visibly deflated. It wasn't a surprise, just a cruel reminder of where they were at. Sighing, he ran his hand through hair.

"Fine. Just--" he reminded himself that Remus and take care himself. He nodded. "I see your point."

"Glad I was able to get it across to you," Stacia said. She rubbed her hand across her eyes. "I'll admit, this is going to take some pretty deft handling, since I'm going to have to talk around some stuff that's still sore for him too. No one likes to hear "hey, maybe your dead friend who you've been mourning was actually an asshole". Most people don't even like to hear it about their living friends. So I can't really say how long it'll take for me to get through to him. But I'll try, and I'll be gentler with him than I was with you. Does that work for you?"

It was more than he deserved, but Sirius needed Remus to know anyway. He nodded.

"I'm not sure I could talk you out of it even if I wanted to," Sirius said. Seeing as he'd went off on her just a moment ago. "You're almost as stubborn as I am." He gave her a faint smile. "Thank you."

"It's true," Stacia agreed loftily. "I cannot be stopped, only distracted."

She smiled back before her expression transformed into something more sympathetic. "Also, if you need to talk, I'm really good at listening. And I don't sleep much. Nightmares and all."

"Hm, sounds familiar." Loyalty was perhaps not the only reason Sirius turned into a dog.

Of course the nightmares also sounded familiar. "I'll be in the halls most nights." That was a voluntary choice though. Remus made it clear it had to be one of them. "But maybe I should ask if you need to talk, if you have many nightmares." He sounded a little lighter now.

Stacia shrugged. "Thanks, but the nightmares aren't about anything in particular. Turns out, being a werewolf is violent and horrible on a regular basis." She spun a finger in the air next to her head. "Wheeeee," she added, deadpan.

Sirius thought back to all the times he'd had to contain a violent werewolf. "Yes, I remember," he mumbled. Then he caught himself. "Well, it sounds like we'll run into each other soon." He spread his hands and shrugged as if to say 'me too.' "Nightmares and all."

"Sounds like we'll be able to share notes at night then," Stacia said. "Unless Remus is also part of the nightmare party we'll have to dodge?"

It'd be interesting to find out how many of the "new hires" can actually get a good night's sleep. Might be worth setting up some late night planning sessions when all the pencilnecks are asleep.

Sirius flinched. "Jorgmund had the brilliant idea to make us roommates. He has the bed." Which was to say, Sirius wasn't welcome in Remus's vicinity and he didn't have a bed.

"I can't say if he has any nightmares." Though Sirius thought it was extremely likely. Sleep hadn't always comes easily during the war.

"Of course they did," Stacia said, rolling her eyes and bringing a hand to her head. "You could probably make a reasonably comfortable bed out of couch cushions, especially if you can sleep as a dog."

"I'm used to sleeping on the floor," Sirius replied offhandedly. After all, that was what one did in prisoners. It could hardly be news. "I can make myself comfortable anywhere. It's why I left him the room."

Well, not the only reason but a very good one.

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apparently making up for losing the notif by giving a tl;dr comment

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