EASY LIKE SATURDAY MORNING

[goneawaymod]

easy like saturday morning

PLOT DESCRIPTION
Disaster strikes a small town as their Stuff storm warning system fails and their TVs mysteriously get TV signals with children's shows and commercials. Born from the imaginations of the children, Stuff beings rampage through the town. The group must face surreal versions of children's toys and cartoon characters and stop their rampage long enough to help the town evacuate to the rig.

The group must face off against threats like a kaiju Barney the Dinosaur and the terrifying Sensational Six gang - the post-apocalyptic end result of a child watching Disney while his teenage brother was reading novels from the grimdark series Deathaxer 50,000.

PROMPTS

Some towns have found ways to survive in the Wilds. The town of Providence figured out that creating some distance between Stuff and people allowed them to weather Stuff storms with very little creation of monsters, and created a system of bunkers and safe rooms where people take refuge when Stuff storms come. A thorough system of watchers, cameras, sirens, and other equipment allowed for enough warning for people to take refuge every time it's necessary.

But a strange confluence of events just happened in Providence: the warning system failed somehow, TVs caught signals from Jorgmund networks instead the local station, and a Stuff storm swept through the town just as a plethora of children's programming was broadcast. The end result is complete mayhem, as cartoons and children's show characters go on a rampage. The imagination of the children is also animating their toys, creating widespread chaos.

A massive Barney the dinosaur, at least 80 feet tall, smashes buildings, while fighting against an equally massive apatosaurus, Littlefoot's mother. A pyrokinetic Elmo throws his arms up and fires spring up in buildings behind him. Looney Toons summon anvils that people need to dodge, not realizing or caring that the rules of physics are different here. A 30-feet tall Bob the builder tries futiley to fix crumbling buildings, sobbing "Can we fix it? No we can't."

In this chaos, the people that live here are trying to escape with their lives as their town is trashed around them. They need protection from out of control toys and cartoons, as well as rescue from collapsing buildings and fires.

They need help. Either these cartoons and toys must be destroyed or the townspeople need to be safely evacuated.

a) dream house

You don't remember how you got here. There was some kind of touch to your shoulder or back by by a perfectly manicured hand and you magically zonked out, caught up in her power.

You find yourself in a beautifully-curated pink-themed home in a fluffy down duvet-covered bed. Unfortunately, you're tied to it - and the person in charge is a bizarrely-proportioned blonde woman with a sledgehammer.

She looks uncanny, like she's not quite entirely human, but not quite entirely toy, her proportions unnatural.

"I am so sorry we had to meet like this," she says perkily. "But as a meet-cute, isn't it romantic?"

It's not. It's very much not.

"You see, I had to give up on love myself. Ken and I just didn't see eye to eye," Barbie says, "And now he can't see anything."

She gestures to them both.

"But you two would make a perfect couple," she coos. "If I can't find love on my own, the next best thing is playing matchmaker! You'll make a perfect couple for my dream house."

She hefts up the hammer.

"So hold still!"

Move fast and your ankles will thank you!

But don't expect her to be easy to defeat. She's handy with that hammer. She's been a construction worker before (along with many many other professions). Knives turn away from plastic-like skin when she's stabbed, knock her head off and she'll put it back on.

She has had many faces, has the knowledge from myriad professions, and is dangerously hard to kill.

She must be stopped or she'll use her Dreamhouse of horrors to kill again.

b) canceling the apocalypse

Buildings are being destroyed left and right as the massive Barney the dinosaur, 80 feet tall, stomps through the town. A massive apatosaurus is fighting it, trying to stop it from pressing its destructive influence towards a part of town that has more residential areas.

"I can't stop him, he's too strong!" says Littlefoot's mother, as she fails to press him back. Fortunately, even though the New Hires are small, the roofs of nearby buildings provide a good vantage point to attack.

There are also people that need to be rescued from collapsing buildings, fires from broken gas mains, and falling debris.

"Super dee duper!" Barney calls out as he crashes through another building. People in the streets below run screaming.

c) lemme at 'em

One courtyard seems to have been converted to a terrible fighting match arena, where innocent people are sometimes dragged in to fight against various cartoons. Nothing fences them in but some of the brainwashed fighters, creating a wall.

All of them look miserable, like they don't want to be there. If approached, one of the champions of the arena will attack the group, begging them to leave. It might be a large squinting sailor, with massive fore-arms.

"You needs to run," begs Pop-Eye. "Or he'll make us fight as emenies whether we likes it or not!"

But whatever force is controlling Pop-Eye makes him start laughing instead. "A-gah-gah-gah-gah-gah-gah."

The mastermind behind all this? The tiny psychic Great Dane, sitting up on a high makeshift throne.

"You think you can stop me?" the pup cries, holding his hands to his temples. "Have a taste of some pupppppyyyy pooower!"

He'll use his psychic powers to direct his various assorted cartoon and children's show champions to fight against the New Hires, against their own will.

d) gak attack

Smush it, twist it, bubble it, mix it! What is Nickelodeon gak?

Usually it's not a massive green blob slowly taking over an entire block but right now it is. The blob is acidic, melting the flesh of anything living it absorbs into it, and alive enough to occasionally whip out tendrils to snag people trying to flee.

The blob can be fought with a variety of things, ranging from fire, freezing, electricity, and even caustic household chemicals that are extremely basic in nature like the lye in oven cleaner. Even a small amount can poison the blob and cause large portions of it to turn to ash.

But even those that can't fight it can use their powers and abilities to evacuate people from its path.

e) doo-dah

They're perched in many places, like actual birds. Any hostile architecture has been ripped off trees and other perching spots and thrown to the ground.

At first they're silent but any time there is movement and sound their glowing eyes snap open and and look in the direction it came from.

"Doo-dah oo-nye may-may kah doo?" they ask, and then they start to speak to each other in a call and response.

"Uh-oh." "uh-oh."

And then they attack, sailing through the air despite how they shouldn't be able to fly, razor beaks snapping. They attack the New Hires and anyone they're trying to help.

f) wild card

The chaos in Providence can take many forms: Looney Tunes dropping anvils on real people. Areas where rubber monsters wreak havoc and New Hires will now find they can transform to Power Rangers, only able to attack by calling out attack names. An area where Lamb Chop chases people with an axe. The ninja turtles needing help fighting Shredder and the Foot clan so innocent people can escape. An area where Statler and Waldorf throw shade at the New Hires' heroics from a window balcony Doooh ho ho ho ho. An area where Smurfs swarm anyone that passes by, tying them to the ground Lilliputian style, speaking to each in a language that seems to only consist of the word "Smurf." A bomb that can only be disarmed by reaching level 20 on a Bop It. ("Bop it! Twist it! Pull it!")

The only things the New Hires don't see are the main Mickey gang. They're being careful about whether or not they're seen.

For now.

OOC DETAILS
➤ Players can draw from any canon or toy as long as a PC character is currently not from that canon in game. For larger canons, like Disney, only the specific franchise can't be used. So Disney princesses are fine, but not animated Toy Story toys. For canons like Marvel, the characters are a little more recognizable across adaptations so Marvel can't be used.

➤ This is a multi-part plot. A later part will involve the Mickey gang, so the mods request they not be used.

➤ Other than those limitations, players are free to do anything they like, including creating areas where certain childhood games or cartoon physics apply. Some of the animated toys and characters will be malevolent but some will be benevolent and seeking help fighting against something dangerous.

➤ Feel free to ask questions in the question top-level below.

Comments

QUESTIONS

[goneawaymod]

Feel free to ask any plot questions here.

[tarnishedavenger]

F: Before the Wackiness

Armstrong was... Well. In his proper uniform, his VIPER uniform, he certainly cut a figure. He'd spent much of the trip over going over his gear, making sure it was all in one piece. His helmet, his jetpack, some kind of sci-fi pistol and a rifle that definitely didn't seem like it belonged to the far future world of 2010. Before they'd headed out, he'd done a headcount. Pulled aside anyone who looked nervous to try to reassure them.

And now they were driving into this mess. And what a mess, pop culture gone mad. He hadn't seen anything like this since the last time he was forced to go into the Faerie. One last check, driving his knife back into its sheath, and he's standing. "All right. This isn't going to be a cakewalk, but if we keep on our toes and keep our heads straight, we'll be fine. I'm going to be floating through Providence, helping where I can. I've tied my helmet radio into Jorgmund's comm frequencies, so give me a yell if you need help. I'll drop on them like a ton of bricks. Stay in groups, watch each other's backs, and we'll all be driving back soon enough."

He pulls his helmet on, his voice picking up some slight electronic distortion now.

"Destroying the enemy's one of the objectives, but keep in mind that our first priority should be getting those people to safety."

[rootinest]

[ooc: Placeholder, since I'm setting a thread before the other prompts. I'm setting up all the prompts under this post.]

closed to Sam

[rootinest]

[They put him in tiny little combat fatigues that he has off before the transport even gets them outside the town they're supposed to save. (They need to just stop with this weird clothes nonsense.)]

[When they get there, everything is pure chaos, and there are enough people around that his first instinct is to hide. So he lets the nearest big teammate know he's doing it, and where he's hiding, assures Buzz that Buzz needs to go off and do what he can to help and that he can't waste his time keeping an eye on him. And then he hides.]

[What can he do in the face of all this? He isn't like Buzz, with his jetpack and brand new laser. He's small and weak and unable to do a darn thing. He hates it, hates facing a conflict too big for him to take on. But the best thing he can do is stay out of the way.]

[But then two things change everything.]

[First, he finds the toy horse. It's a large one about the size of a small dog - close to Buster's size. A little taller even than the dachshund. It's been animated by...whatever is going on and skittish, racing around the alley Woody's tucked himself away in, unable to find an exit that doesn't have people running, screaming, and fighting. He catches it by the reins and manages to calm it down so it doesn't run out and get crushed.]

Easy now, easy. Ssh, it's okay. It's okay.

[It isn't really alive the way Bullseye is, not intelligent at all, but it's alive enough, reacting to someone trying to calm it down by no longer rearing up and whinnying in fear. It recognizes that Woody is one of the few types of people it's meant to be with: cowboys, cowgirls, or preteen girls who daydream about telepathic bonds with ponies.]

[He's a cowboy so it settles and decides it's now a non-telepathic cowboy's horse, easy as that. The horse of a cowboy is not thrown by action, by gunfire, by explosions or crashing buildings. He gets it to hide with him behind a wooden pallet propped against the alley wall and it simmers down a bit.]

I'm going to name you...Blackjack. [He rubs her muzzle. It's a good, proper cowboy horse name.] It's okay, girl, I know everything is scary right now. Even to me.

[First he discovers the horse, then a situation happens that causes him to discover what he can do. Rubble crashes down, blocking off one end of the alley. The woman who makes an unfortunate mistake by picking that alley to hide in is bloody, a graze wound on her cheek bleeding down her neck. Another one on her bicep stains her dress. She's carrying children, one in each arm. It's remarkable that she's strong enough to hold them both and run that fast - they're both at least four or five years-old, almost too big to be carried. But Woody supposes that strength must come from love.]

[She's brown-haired, brown eyed, and wearing a blue dress.]

[That she only looks like a certain Disney character is enough, because some things today are about the shape of stories rather than the real thing. The man that stalks menacingly down the alley after her is armed with a musket. When she reaches the dead end, she puts her children down and puts them behind her, shielding them with her body.]

["Please, please I'm not who you think! I'm not -"]

["Don't try to play mind games with me, Belle. Your feeble female mind has no chance against the brain of a spectacular specimen such as myself." The black-haired man in old-timey clothing is massive, one of the tallest, brawniest men Woody's ever seen. He has biceps larger than grapefruits.]

["I'm not her! I'm not her, I swear -"]

["You'll pay for siding with that monster."]

["I'll do - I'll do whatever you want, just please let my kids go," she sobs. "Please. Please."]

["When that beast is probably their father? No chance. I bet they've got nasty little tails they're hiding, don't they."]

[Where he hides behind the pallet, Woody's eyes widen. Maybe - maybe he can trip him or - or distract him somehow. Get his feet caught up in his pull cord? He'll probably get torn to shreds - the man looks strong enough he could probably rip a phone book in half. But maybe it'll be enough for her to get her kids away.]

[He breathes out a little sigh of relief when he sees another crew member step into the alley. They haven't met but he saw him on the transport in.]

[fromfryingpantofire]

[The fatigues aren't so bad for Sam. They're still a bit too short in the leg, but that's what happens when you don't really size your clothes with stupid long legs in mind. Still, they're closer the the overalls and that's what Sam's going with.]

[Plunging directly into the weirdness from the transport is actually almost comforting. He's used to the weird shit that nobody in his world ever sees. And this isn't even the first time that he's had to deal with the whole fairy tales and toys coming to life thing.]

[It makes him miss Dean fiercely, though. More than he already had been.]

[He runs straight into things, breaking off from the others to start working his way through the town, getting people out of harm's way as much as he can. A collapsing building is how he finds out about his telekinesis being back, which is...not something he really wants to think about just yet. Eventually, he'll deal with the impending worry about the state of his soul and humanity, but that's for future Sam to deal with.]

[It's the kids crying that pulls his attention to the alley, taking the scene in with a glance.]

Disney movies? Really?

[Of course he's seen the movie, though. Which is why he runs forward, tackling the guy with a faint, sing song refrain.] No one's such an incredible dick like Gaston.

[Distract him. Let the lady and her kids get away. That's the main thing on his mind right now.]

[rootinest]

[Sam seems to be doing well, until he isn't. Gaston is supernaturally strong thanks to all the Stuff mojo going on. The massive burly man starts elbowing at Sam sharply, taking after his example and singing, each elbow thrown with emphasis.]

["No ooonnnnne kills like Gaston-" Sharp elbow "- causes chills like Gaston -" Another sharp elbow.]

[Sam will be okay.]

[Probably okay.]

[But what if he isn't? This Gaston might get lucky. He seems very strong. But what can he do to help?]

[Woody's hands clench into fists at his sides -]

[And then he suddenly finds there's a golden, glowing rope in his right hand, a lasso that's come out of nowhere, made solid by...what? Thought? Will? Whatever it's made of, it's new, and it's something he can use that might be stronger than his pullcord. It's certainly got more range.]

[Emboldened, Woody comes out from behind the pallet and lassos the thin rope around the man's ankle. Despite the fact he should be able to snap the rope with just a flex, it doesn't snap. Despite the fact he should been so strong Woody should be lifted right off his feet and dragged along, it feels like he's actually got leverage. It's still a monumental effort, it takes all of his strength, and that's only a fraction compared to Sam's, but he jumps in Blackjack's saddle with a "Kyah!" and little kick of plastic spurs. The horse whinnies and runs away from the man's back, pulling him off balance. With a large moose weighing him down from behind and applying leverage, and a foot suddenly yanked out from under him, he goes down hard. He slams his head into the corner of a dumpster on the way down, Sam's weight making the impact count.]

[Deadpan.] No one takes such incredible spills like Gaston.

[Just like that, he's out. Woody brings Blackjack to heel and looks over at the fallen brute, encouraged. Maybe all he can really do is give the occasional assist but at least he can actually do something.]

[Woody jumps out of the saddle again and withdraws the rope. It comes loose from Gaston's foot with a thought.]

Help me lift his head, will ya? I'm gonna loop it around his neck and tie him down close to that sewer grate. So even when he wakes up, he has trouble getting up again.

[(Boy howdy the burly guy they just took down is familiar somehow, but Woody can't quite place him.)]

[fromfryingpantofire]

[It's not like Sam's not used to getting his ass handed to him in close quarters. But usually, he has Dean backing him up. Two on one probably would have been okay.]

[Though, given the way that Gaston bloodies his nose? Maybe not.]

[Still, Sam holds on, waiting for a good moment to get his own shots in. Which doesn't come because something throws Gaston's balance all to hell and nearly takes Sam with him.]

[Sure, he HEARS the 'Kyah!', but has no idea what to make of it.]

[He's just able to keep his own balance, though, and not get thrown into that same corner of the dumpster, only rolling away when it's clear that Gaston is out for the count. He gets back to his feet to find--]

[--A toy cowboy asking for his help.]

[He has Ruby's knife with him. Jorgmund had let him have it back as part of dealing with the current dilemma. But he doesn't go for it immediately. After all, the cowboy's actually helping him.]

[Still.] So. Are you part of what's going on here or are you from the Rig?

[Sue him. He's been stuck in the library recently, not reading his comm. He's missed a few things.]

[rootinest]

From the rig. We were actually on the same transport in. At my size, it's easy to get overlooked.

[He and Buzz had wedged themselves under one of the seats, climbing partly into the cargo straps that were all over the interior of the transport to secure themselves in lieu of seatbelts, since the transport was bouncing all over thanks to the bad terrain.]

[He gets the rope ready, creating a nice big loop to slip over Gaston's head as soon as Sam lifts it.]

[In the meantime he looks to the scared woman and her kids. He tips his hat to the woman respectfully, hoping some good manners will put her at ease.]

He's out cold, ma'am. You should leave before he wakes up. There are people setting up evacuations at the edge of town; I'd make my way there if I were you.

[The little girl peeks her head around her mother, points at Woody, and whispers, "Mommy! Mommy! You've got a friend in me!" to her mother.]

Yes you do, little lady.

[He smiles gently. Then he reaches back and tugs on his pull cord. "You're my favorite deputy!" his voice box says. Both the little girl and her brother smile, despite their fear. The mother, still trying to be cautious, looks to Sam, someone who's less likely to be made from Stuff. "Is it true? They're evacuating?"]

[Locked to Woody]

[toinfinity_andbeyond]

[The silly little combat fatigues were never a good idea. The blouse got in the way of Buzz's jetpack and laser, but they still made him wear the pants, which he got rid of as soon as it was clear he had the space to. Why would someone built into his own spacesuit need fatigues?

When they arrive and are dispensed into the chaos, Buzz isn't comfortable leaving Woody, who's refused to allow himself to be armed - but Woody knows how to hide himself, and there are people in need.

People in need that Buzz, suddenly, can actually help.

Even a laser set to "stun" does truly disabling things to an opponent's eye, and on the "lethal" setting - yikes, there's nothing childsafe about that. While he's too small to do any direct non-laser strikes against his enemies, he's also too small and fast for most of them to hit.

This quick-action chaos is not exactly familiar to Buzz as it would be if he were a real Space Ranger . . . but it's not totally foreign, either, especially once a group of refugees is chased down an alley by a gang of living Barrel of Monkeys. Buzz lasers a chain link fence open to give them freedom to run, then zips among the monkeys drawing their fire until every monkey is distracted by having to defend himself from a monkey they've accidentally hit, while also taking retribution on a monkey that accidentally hit them.

This particular chaos has an edge of playtime to it that lets Buzz follow the threats. Nothing is quite surprising him, when he sinks into the same flow that follow his kid's own imagination games - just accounting for actual bloodshed here.

But even he's surprised when catching up with his latest group of refugees, he finds them all standing stock-still, bodies trembling, unable to move even though they have so many directions in which to run, from opponents who are so very, very small -

The brightly colored teddy bears arranged in an arc all have strange, hypnotic patterns shifting on their bellies. The patterns are always uncomfortable to look at, but they're better when they're unrecognizeable - they keep shifting to images that are almost familiar, always in horrible ways. Terrible violence and obscenity is hinted at before each pattern shifts to something unidentifiable, yet still somehow awful and dread-inducing in its formlessness.

"We're here," the bears intone, as one, in voices as light and fluffy as cotton candy, as rainclouds, as the last breath a man breathes before he dies. "To make sure you get the most out of your apocalypse."

"They've got me," a man in the group manages to groan out, through gritted teeth, caught mid-run "Can't - look away - from their stare -"

Buzz, with his plastic eyes, is only partly immune, and he slowly draws his arm up to aim his laser at the lead, a pale blue-furred bear whose belly patterns keep almost forming images of unbelievable violence.

"Give into the power of my Despair Stare," Despair Bear intones, focusing all the weight of its emotional entropy upon Buzz, as he doggedly pulls his laser into position. "For plastic, flesh and cloth, all must give in to time and come to dust."]

Never!

[rootinest]

[Were the Stuff affecting reality more, jaunty, heroic western music might play. Woody rides up on Blackjack, sees how everyone - including Buzz, are frozen in horror, gets the tiniest glimpse of swirling madness, and averts his gaze.]

Ride like the wind, Blackjack!

[He looks around, sees what they can potentially use, notices something leaning against a dumpster at the front of an alley.]

[He stands up on Blackjack's saddle, carefully balancing there as the horse runs, then he summons up a lasso and swings it, hooking it on some chunks of wood sticking out of the dumpster. He uses the momentum from the ride to swing up and push the mirror down, keeping one hand on it, and rappelling down the side of the dumpster so it doesn't break when he lowers it.]

Buzz! Use the mirror to aim!

[toinfinity_andbeyond]

[The mirror is, of course, angled exactly that when Buzz musters all his willpower and forces his arm down the fraction necessary to reach it, the laser blasts directly through Despair Bear's eye and blasts through three others behind it, before the energy settles in the fourth and ignites the bear in a torrent of oil-smelling flame.

"Befouler Bear! You shall be avenged!" shouts a black-eyed bear weeping continuous black miasma as Despair Bear and co flail in anguish, but when the bear turns its swirling hypnotic belly back Buzz is already free of the others' grip, and meets the angrily weeping toy with a plastic fist to its plastic nose. The bear goes flying back, and as the remaining two turn their hypnotic focus on pinning Buzz immobile, he shouts to the refugees.]

"Run! Left at the stopsign!"

[The humans book it as the bears turn their full hypnotic force on Buzz, who still resists, drawing himself into a defensive stance with every bit of his will, not worried even as the bears begin an ominous chant that causes Miasmia Bear's black tears to flow thicker. They're focusing on the wrong toy, since they're focusing on the toy they can see, while Buzz grins slightly as he looks around to spot his buddy and his backup.]

[rootinest]

[Woody cringes when the one bear goes up in flames, but these aren't normal toys. They can't treat them that way. They're eldritch nightmares given flesh, like some of the monsters from Andy's scarier comic books.]

[Woody jumps back onto his horse, behind the mirror, and then there's the tippity tap of plastic hooves clopping as Blackjack breaks into a gallop.]

[Woody and the horse starts to encircle the Despair Bears. The rope that was attached to the wood in the garbage disappears. (Woody has figured out that it seems to get weaker the more he's summoned, and also that he can will it away remotely). He summons another lasso and starts swinging it over his head, then - gazing at the mirror instead of the actual bears - he starts to lasso them one by one. Despite the fact he's a) moving and b) working off a reflection, he doesn't miss a throw and bundles each new rope together in his hands as he goes.]

The only thing you're getting to stare down today is an eyeful of justice!

[He'd have liked to do a better line but he think it sounds appropriately cowboy sheriff, and with how wildly creative Andy had been, he just has to accept there's no way he'll ever top any of Andy's hero cowboy lines. Not in a million years.]

After all they've faced, the people of this town don't deserve any more despair.

[Now that they're tied up and getting toppled off their feet because of the lassos binding them making them lighter, they're distracted enough Buzz should be able to move.]

Buzz, get next to that fence and get ready to give me a boost!

[There's a wooden fence not far from Buzz that has some horizontal wooden rails. He wants to get high enough to get over the second rail.]

[toinfinity_andbeyond]

Copy that, Cowboy!

[The increasingly distracted bears, torn between their lassoing and their attempts to keep the plastic spaceman locked in place, set up a cry of fury and alarm as Buzz reveals that he's been able to move for minutes now. Their torn focus between him with his finger nearly on his laser and the cowboy lassoing them has prevented them from adequately fixing their attention on either.

Buzz's gas monitor begins screaming an alarm as Miasma Bear's tears of hydrogen sulfide fill the air with a poisonous and flammable stench, but his jet pack is ingeniously built not to ignite a flammable atmosphere, and their toy nature prevents them from being poisoned, or needing to do more than make a face at the smell. Buzz jetpacks to the fence, poised in wait for his part in whatever plan Woody's concocted.]

Prepared for launch!

[kingofneworleans]

A. Dream House

It's not that Remy isn't listening to Barbie. He is. He just has some of his attention on the bonds on his wrists.

He could blow them up. But he kinda tries to make that a last resort thing.

"Now now, mademoiselle. I'm a taken man. Not dat I don' t'ink you're a good matchmaker." He glances over at his fellow captive with a nod and a commiserating smile. "But ma coeur, I doubt she'd be so forgivin' of me, puttin' your matchmakin' skills to de test."

He just needs a few more seconds to get one hand free, then he can blow a hole and get them out of here. He just needs those seconds.

B. Cancelling the Apocalypse

One thing about Barney being 80 feet tall: you don't have to be close in order to observe him.

Remy's been doing some rescuing, but at the moment, he's found a rooftop and is giving some consideration to a plan of attack.

That he's rolling a Jolly Rancher across his knuckles has nothing to do with anything. It's just a not-quite nervous habit as he thinks.

F. Wild Card

Think of anything else you'd like to do? Let's come up with something!

A.

[vampthropologist]

His fellow captive has contrived to look amused and irritated all at once. He's a lanky fellow with long dark hair, and his eyes glow red and orange. There's a pair of dark glasses folded neatly on the bedside table by his head. Remy wouldn't have seen him around before.

"And I'm afraid I'm not interested in your, ah, services, madame. The last time I accepted a blind date, it went rather poorly for everyone involved - "

Beckett has been subtly twisting his own wrists as he speaks, working to get his fingers at the right angle. At least his hosts had remembered to feed him before they'd thrown him out into this mess.

" - I'm simply doomed to be an eternal bachelor. Terribly sorry to disappoint." Just a bit further...

"Oh, but you mustn't give up!" Barbie chirps, raising her hammer high once more. "Ken and I couldn't make it work, but that just means you won't make my mistakes!"

The hammer starts to come down.

[kingofneworleans]

So much for plan A.

Remy's hands twist, fingers brushing against the ropes. The room immediately fills with the squeal of energy as the ropes glow with a pinkish-purple light. Which then exploded, causing him to curse under his breath. But it did let him sit up, which had Barbie backing up in surprise.

"Chère, you gotta be learnin' a hard trut' here. Non means non."

[vampthropologist]

Beckett curses as the light sears his sensitive eyes, leaving him momentarily blinded. Blood surges in his dead veins and his black fingernails lengthen into claws that rip through his bindings.

"That is truly uncalled-for, madam!" he snarls, and lunges towards the place Barbie last was. Unfortunately, he misses. She hits him dead between the shoulderblades with her hammer. It doesn't do more than crack bone - thank heavens his fortitude is still mostly up to snuff - but it does send him flying.

"Damn it - "

[kingofneworleans]

"Sorry 'bout dat." It's actually not something he always thinks about, even though his powers absolutely did blind him at one point. He's just so used to people knowing to close their eyes at this point that he doesn't always think about it.

The distraction does give Remy a chance to explode the bindings on his ankles as well, though, letting him roll off the bed. He grabs for the nearest thing he can throw, coming up with the alarm clock from the bedside table. It only takes a moment to charge it before he throws it at Barbie. Or, rather, at her hammer. There's more power in the clock than it really needs, but it does the job of taking the hammer head off, which is a good start.

[vampthropologist]

Beckett is too busy to hear him. Barbie shrieks with rage when her hammer explodes, hurtling towards the other fellow with the handle raised like a baton. Beckett blinks rapidly, trying to clear the spots from his eyes, and goes for her again. This time he makes contact, claws raking five long paths down her...

Plastic skin? Plastic skin. Of course. Why wouldn't it be. This is all very in keeping with events thus far.

Barbie's head rotates 180 degrees, her painted smile and starry eyes contorting into a frown as she looks at the damage.

"Oh no!" she cries. "My Dior limited edition!"

Lacking any better ideas, Beckett punches her.

B

[walkingballpit]

[ Super dee duper!

Amplified by size and echoes, the catch phrase hits on some base level of instinctual fear, and Robbie suddenly understand why little kids burst into tears when a mascot tries to talk to them. The magic of a television screen dulled how unnatural Barney was. Seeing the dinosaur in full 3D, with the nubs in the material several inches deep, is terrific in the traditional sense. ]

Woah, the uncanny valley is the Marianas trench. Are you seeing this?

[ He waves a hand at the dino battle, as if he could be referring to anything else. ]

It’s literally the stuff dreams are made of, emphasis on Stuff. Try not to think of the Stay-Puft Marshmallow Man, and let’s figure out where the weak spot - watch out!

[ With a ridiculous chuckle and a a series of hops like an earthquake, Barney takes out the arena of the next building over, and the metal spire is hurtling to the roof that they’re currently occupying. Robbie dives towards the relative shelter of the far side of the roof access, shoving whoever he can before him. ]

Re: B

[stickypete]

[Robbie had known he was coming up because he'd called out and he'd swung up just as everything was about to hit the fan. Robbie goes in for the shove, but haha, Peter is already moving, grabbing him by the wrist instead. He gets a eyeful of red and blue spandex as they jump across together.]

[The spire hits, then starts to lean in one direction, beginning to topple off the roof. There is a familar thwip thwip thwip and it's progress towards the street, where people are evacuating, is quickly stopped dead. Crisis averted, with movements so casual they almost seem lazy. It's quick, no frills superheroing, the kind that only happens when you've been at it for a very, very long time.]

[It's something everyone back in Robbie's world is used to seeing: this particular hero making it look easy. He doesn't look the same - he's definitely not as svelte as the Spidey Robbie remembers. But the body language and way he carries himself - now that he's not slouching in ill-fitting clothes - is unmistakable.]

I might just be really hungry because they don't feed us enough but I actually think the Stay-Puft marshmallow man wouldn't be that bad.

[It's not like he'd eat him alive! But all the toasted marshmallow was left over after he blew up...]

[It's Sticky Ben's voice coming from behind the mask.]

Besides, easy problem to solve. [He goes with the Venkman line as he runs along the length of the roof, trying to figure out an angle of approach to fight the giant dinosaur.] Stay-Puft is okay! He's a sailor, he's in New York... we get the guy laid, we won't have any trouble.

[He gestures at Barney].

This guy, on the other hand, if we're not careful he'll either atomic breathe on us or "clever girl" us. [A pause.] Or sing a song about sharing. I'm not sure which is worse.

[walkingballpit]

[ When Spidey grabs onto Robbie’s arm, Robbie changes tact and moves with him, taking a running jump without hesitation and rolling out the landing back onto his feet amidst a smattering of bubbles. They’re safer, but hardly safe. ]

Oh, fine, I have a radical idea! The door swings both ways. We could reverse the partial flow through the gate. Yeah, no, you grabbed the wrong Legionnaire if you’re hoping for Egon.

[ Robbie’s running along the roof ledge as well, and he keeps glancing incredulously at Sticky Ben in between new angles of the field. Barney getting headbutted by the apatosaurus. Spidey. The spire getting strung up like a giant pointy bug. Sticky Ben. People fleeing almost under purple foot. Sticker-Man.

Definitely not the Spidey from home, at least not unless Spidey hasn’t spent a few weeks eating his way through several bodegas with of Hostess. ]

Ordinarily, I’m more that “you could throw me into his gaping maw and I’ll blast my way out” type, but clever girl is worse. How is that even a question and how can you be hungry when you’ve made it a question?

[ He reaches the near corner and stops, debating the options of down, forward, and taking potshots from the roof. Robbie wants to go down and focus on getting civilians clear, but there’s a min/max element at play. If they can take down the textile t-rex, then everyone is clear.

He has the worst feeling that the correct answer is forward onto Barney. ]

Do you do mascots? I don’t do mascots. Does he have a zipper? Is there anyone inside? Is it a Chucky situation? Will today be the day that Spider-Man owns his identity?

[stickypete]

Kids think mascots are alive and don't get that someone is inside. I wouldn't be surprised if there's nothing in there.

Meanwhile, we have to hope he's not sentient because I don't think we're going to be able to talk him out of wrecking downtown Tokyo.

[They have to hope this is just some kind of animated doll-thing because the only way to stop it is to maybe blow it up.]

[Peter looks off and sees they're not far from the edge of town.]

We're not far from the edge of town. If we can clear the civvies out of the way, maybe we can get our dino friend to help us herd him.

[The property damage on the way is a small price to pay for saving lives. They need to focus on just getting people out.]

[More building starts to fall and Peter webs it up, not even missing a beat.]

Two questions: One, how much damage can you do with your energy balls?

And two: about the Spidey thing... [He shrugs and holds up his hands as if completely at a loss for how Robbie figured it out.] What gave it away?

[As if he's not wearing a costume with a spider on it.]

[walkingballpit]

So, Chucky. I bet the black fabric in his mouth is a cosmic void. Kids aren’t so big on object permanence, so what’s swallowed is gone and I bet they didn’t dream him up insides. I’m going to put a pin in this train of thought before it gets too existential for comfort.

[ Robbie follows Peter’s eyeline, but all he sees is far too many jokes and people. Smaller buildings, more spaced out as they get closer to the edge of town. Lawns. Family homes. Not a good scene for Barney. ]

Yeah, but that’s a big If. The edge of town is where actual people live. Not as many businesses the further you get from Main Street USA. And that’s where everyone’s running to now - it’s just this widening circle of fleeing people centred on Barney like Doppler radar. If there’s no clear path, it’s worse than bringing him down here. I’m not smashing a subdivision.

[ If it looks like the way isn’t clear, he may leave Spidey to deal with Dino and swap to crowd control. Robbie knows there’s no “good” solution here, but Barney really does move like Mr. Stay-Puft.

Being bluntly asked about his powers like that - in terms of damage - makes Robbie bite the inside of his cheek. He knows why it’s being asked, but still. He’d like not to damage anything. ]

I can ... do some real damage if we’re talking about buildings, vehicles... I can get his attention, and if he can feel pain, probably that too. “Probably” because I don’t go around fighting 8 story stuffies.

If you wear a nametag... [ He gestures at the insignia. ] There’s over a hundred heroes in New York. I know all their uniforms, even Jewel’s, and they aren’t half the reason I put on supertights.

[stickypete]

Oh, the currently-mythical social life I could actually have if I had a hundred people to share the job in my universe.

[He drops that, moves onto Priorities.]

There aren't a lot of options here. [He jumps up on an electrical box to get more height. Right now Mama Dino has him pinned and there are no civilians in immediate danger, but when he moves again, there will be.]

Alright, let's take him down here. If we can hold him in place long enough, we can clear the nearby blocks. Maybe rope some of our [quotey finger] "coworkers" in if we see anyone, but Big Mama over there might be able to buy enough time with some help.

[Bless her for trying. Magically sprung to life and immediately started doing the right thing.]

We don't have to send all his stuffing sky high to stop him, we just need to take out a leg or two. If you clear out the civilians, I can live up to my very, very unfortunate nickname and sticky him in place long enough for you to do it. Then when they're clear, we'll tag team him and go for his legs until he's a candidate for Life Alert.

It'll take out the surrounding blocks but as long as they're clear of people, down is down.

Think you can manage that?

[There is no actual doubt, but when you don't know what the other guy can do, because you haven't seen them in action, you ask. The kid seems alright, though, already worried about the people, so Peter knows he'll get an honest answer about what he can do.]