goneawayworld | Invasion!

Entry tags:

Invasion!

Who: The New Hires
What: Sudden Memory Share
Where: Their Memory Palaces
When: After Intermission
Warnings/Notes: Possible in every memory, warn in subject lines.

Contact.

It's during a pause in their day. A nap. An idle moment looking across the Top Deck. Taking a slow breath between reps in the training room.

The New Hires are connected. Mental pathways locking together, they're forced into one another's innermost beings. Thrust into one another's memory palaces where the mind collects and stores everything that makes them who they are. The core of their beings are only a few steps away and no one can help the violation.

To make matters worse, it comes with no explanation or no ability to pull out and stop. Once they're through the first memory, perhaps they can find a way out, but they're already witnessing some event from their host's past. And, if they left, who knows whether or not they'd end up accidentally invading another memory palace?

And if they were there, who was in theirs?

[[So, how this works: the memories can either be viewed in spectator mode or experiencing everything themselves. The person whose memories are being shown, the host, can watch as their current self or take the form they had of their past self.

They cannot control the first memory shown, the player decides that, but they can control any other memories they'd like to show people. Of course, there's always the option of an extreme emotional reaction bringing up memories unbidden.]]

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Sirius took a deep breath.

He couldn't believe he'd ever be happy with James and Lily gone. But Remus was right. Things could be okay now that he knew.

"Yeah," he said. He wanted to take Remus's hand and kiss it but knowing the truth didn't mean they could go back to what they were.

This really was a conversation they needed to have in person.

"I don't want to see anything more. I'll see you in our room." Not that they'd really shared it. Now they could... assuming Sirius hadn't gone mad.

He closed his eyes and, without any real effort, he found himself coming to on the Rig. Well, now he knew where to go and wait. And hope.

Nothing was ever going to be the way it was again. Too much had happened, too much lost for everything to be exactly the same.

But Remus hoped, at least, they could get back to something close to it.

The line between sleep and waking was thin and Remus pushed himself to his feet without thought. The floor was cold as anything, but that didn't matter at the moment. He pulled his jumpsuit closer around himself as he went to the door, looking for Sirius. And not letting out the breath he was holding until the other man was there.

Which was when he reached out, pulling Sirius toward him into a tight hug.

"I'm sorry," he mumbled against Sirius's shoulder. "I should have known better. I should have...it didn't feel right at the time, but everybody said it was true and they had all the proof and I still should have..."

Sirius clung to Remus. He'd never felt a need like this. There was nothing romantic or sensual about it. The closest he could get was when he had run away and to James's house. But this went deeper than that. He'd needed this for so long.

"No, I'm sorry." Sirius was crying again and he turned his face away from Remus's neck to make sure he didn't feel any of them. "I didn't even have any reason and I thought it was you." He'd had reasons at the time, fed by Peter, but none of them held up. It was all lies and self-deception. "It's my fault."

"Oh, shut up." He wrapped his arms tighter around Sirius. A couple of months on the Rig had helped start to fill him out again. The food wasn't great, but it was at least enough calories to keep him going. Even enough to put on some weight again. "It was Peter's fault. And Voldemort's. You were an idiot, but I've rather come to expect that of you."

It wasn't meanly said. Or meant, even. But Sirius had been an idiot for many reasons for a lot of years. "You had the right idea. It should have worked." It should have gotten him killed, but they both knew that. "It's not your fault that he was more of a rat than either of us ever imagined."

The Rig food had been kind to Sirius as well, for all that everyone complained. It'd take more than a couple months to recover from Azkaban, but at least he was no longer just skin and bones.

Unfortunately all that meant they probably would never fit they way they used to, even if it was just a hug. But it was more than good enough for now. If it were up to him, he could've stood like this forever as long as his arms were around Remus.

He let out a ragged breath. "I never should have listened to him. Everything he said. He was just trying to turn us against each other." Possibly trying with Remus, certainly succeeding with Sirius. Who knew what he told James and Lily.

As far as Remus knew, Peter hadn't tried with any of the rest of them. Unfortunately, the way that Sirius had been brought up meant it was easiest to affect his outlook.

Not that Remus cared. Not any more, at least.

Remus pulled away, bringing his hands up to cup Sirius's face. "Stop. You need to let that go, at least for now." He shook his head, leaning in to lightly kiss Sirius on the lips. "Forgive me for thinking it could have been you?"

Sirius was almost too surprised to return the kiss before Remus pulled away. Whatever cycle of guilt and self-loathing he'd fallen into, that kiss had snapped him out of it.

"Of course," he said. He knew he could forgive Remus for most anything and he no longer felt guilty about that fact. That didn't mean it was reciprocal. He hesitated before asking. "Do you forgive me?"

"I can't say that it doesn't hurt," Remus replied after a moment. "Or that I'll forget it happened. But yes, Sirius. I forgive you."

Until he had Sirius there, until he'd actually held him, he hadn't been certain he could. But...well, the old problem was still there. He loved Sirius. He'd never stopped. So forgiving him wasn't as difficult as it had felt.

Sirius accepted that. The only sign of hurt on his face was what had been there before. Forgiveness was more than he deserved. For Remus to forget it happened would have been to ask the impossible.

Since he didn't want Remus to tell him to shut up again, he chose not to voice any of that. At least half of it went unspoken anyway.

"Thank you," was what he said instead. He relaxed his hold on Remus and lowered his hands down to the middle of his back. He leaned in but turned his head instead of going in for a kiss. He rubbed his cheek against Remus's. "Does this mean I get to sleep in a bed now?"

A joke was the best way he could tell if things were really alright between them. If it was allowed, things really were going to be alright. If not... well, this would all take a lot longer.

"You could have slept in a bed at any time. Just...not one in here." At least Remus looked embarrassed about that. Really, he hadn't handled things well. And while understandable, it didn't make him feel any better about the way he'd acted. "Anyway, yes. You get to sleep in a bed."

He was quiet for a moment, then sighed and admitted, "I've always slept better with you there, anyway."

Sirius kissed Remus's cheek. "I never really need a bed. It's not hard for Padfoot to get comfortable." Though a blanket definitely improved things.

He pressed his forehead against Remus's. They'd both had too many lonely nights, haunted by what they'd lost.

"I have nightmares," Sirius said after a moment. "It's easier when I'm Padfoot but I might wake you."

Remus let out a shuddering breath, pressing his forehead harder against Sirius's. It had been so long since they'd been allowed this.

Still, he had to huff a soft laugh at that. "I think we're both likely to wake each other." Remus had his fair share of nightmares as well, after all. They weren't the same, but he had been a fighter in the main battles of the Order and one of the best wizarding duelists there was. "But I'm okay with that if you are."

"If you have ten nightmares every night, I'll still sleep better with you." He closed his eyes and just took everything in for a moment. He still felt guilty but there was such relief now that Remus believed him, held him and...

"I love you," Sirius finally dared to say.

Remus felt his breath hitch as he swayed toward Sirius. It had seemed impossible. After everything, after all that he'd said?

A few tears made it past his eyelashes as well as he clutched at Sirius. "I never stopped," he said after a moment. "I kept thinking it would all be easier if I could, but I...I never could." He lifted his head, brushing a light kiss against Sirius's mouth. "I love you, too."

For a moment, Sirius looked at Remus. Then he cupped Remus's face in his hands and kissed him. This time it was far from light, desperate and passionate.

There was no lust. He was sure neither of them were ready for that. But he'd wanted this so badly for so long. And as much as he loved to hear that Remus had never stopped, it still hurt to know that he'd suffered because of it.

They'd both suffered and, for the time being, were away from the situation. It was something that would have to be dealt with. Eventually. But, for now, it was enough for Remus that Sirius was there and with him.

He finally broke the kiss after a good minute, needing to breathe. "Is a mattress on the floor enough for a bed right now? Because I don't want to let you go." And the beds were the kind built into the wall. "Why I couldn't be left with a touch of transfiguration, I don't know."

Sirius stroked Remus's cheek. "You don't have to. I could sleep anywhere as long as you're next to me."

He glanced at the beds. If he had all of his magic, he could have easily made them a proper bed with comfortable sheets. Who knew when ~~or if~~ he'd have that again. "The only transfiguration I kept is my animagus form. At least Padfoot can keep you company again." He'd been worried-- and frustrated-- that he'd been unable to be with Remus every full moon since Sirius left him.

"So, both mattresses on the floor, then." It was the best compromise. And would be better for keeping warm, too. "Only transfiguration I really have is the mending charm. Useful for clothes, at least, if nothing else."

He paused, then pulled back and gave Sirius a brilliant smile. "I have news on that, actually. Come on. Let's deal with the mattresses, first, then talk where we don't have to keep standing."

"You're full of brilliant ideas." Sirius's smile lit up his face. For a moment you could almost forget he'd been imprisoned in Azkaban.

It didn't take long to remember that though. He struggled with the mattress when before it would have been no problem. He was not going to let it get to him, he told himself. It almost worked.

Once the mattress was on the floor, Sirius pulled Remus down onto it. He wrapped his arms around him. They were both too thin, he thought. Even after months here. Remus could get back to normal, he thought, but as for himself... He turned his thoughts from that and focused on what Remus had said before.

"What's your news?"

Edited 2020-08-16 17:10 (UTC)

They were both entirely too skinny, honestly. Putting weight back on, of course, though hard to do with the physical activity on top of everything else.

Still, they fit together all right. Better than they had been, at least. At least partly because Remus was allowing it now.

He settled against Sirius with a grin. "So. I don't know if you know, but Stacia has been keeping me company during the full moons." There'd been a couple by now. "But we found out during the first one that...well, the change is just as painful as before. But I have my mind after the change. I'm a wolf, but I am me at the same time."

Sirius had spent so many full moons with Remus and each time he saw his friend, then lover, lose his mind and try to hurt himself-- and them. The wounds he received on those nights went away when he transformed back but he still felt the pain. He also knew it hurt Remus more to know he'd inflicted them. To hear that he didn't have to worry about that anymore?

"Merlin," Sirius said as the shock began to fade. "That's great. I was worried-- I asked Stacia to look after you but-- damn. That makes up for losing the rest of our magic, doesn't it?" Sirius held Remus a little closer. "I hope you still want me around," he teased but he'd be lying if there wasn't some worry there.

He'd remember what happened during the full moons, always just a little more withdrawn and quiet on days after he'd hurt James or Sirius. Peter--that rat--had been nimble enough to get out of the way any time the werewolf had it in mind to go after him. And, generally, a werewolf only went after animals when already riled up in some way.

He settled with his head tucked against Sirius's neck, easily one of his favorite places to rest. "If I'd known half an hour ago that you asked Stacia to watch out for me, I'd have been royally pissed off." It was said mildly, but it was also the truth. Something he knew Sirius knew since Stacia had never mentioned even knowing Sirius. "However, you know very well that it's more fun on a full moon with at least three." And it would be far more fun now because he knew what he was doing.

Sirius raised his hand so he could bury his fingers in Remus's hair. "Someone had to make sure you were safe during full moon." He was utterly unrepetant. Even if Remus had found out, it wouldn't have changed much between them.

"Where do you go? Is there enough room to run around?" This was Jorgmund so as much as he wanted to picture having a good time on the full moon, he expected it might be a closet.

Remus made a contented sound at the hand in his hair, letting out a slow breath. "Well, thank you. I'm not sure what I would have done with myself, because I don't think the higher ups had any plans for what to do with a werewolf on the full moon."

And considering they had TWO werewolves, only one of which actually had to change on the full moon, one would have thought they'd put more thought into it.

"However. Stacia is as good at talking as you or James ever were and she's gotten us a pass off the Rig for the night of the full moon. So we go run around outside. Just not too far away." Because of those damned electrical chains around their spines.

"I'd love to get out of here for a night." Being confined never suited Sirius and while this the Rig was much larger than Azkaban, he still chafed at being stuck here. "We'll see if Stacia can talk them into letting me join you." He didn't seem too concerned about it. In fact, he was relaxed. It was hard to feel anything else now that Remus was with him.

He sighed and closed his eyes. "I missed this." Even if the last time he'd been together, he'd tried and succeeded at savoring every moment, it hadn't been enough.

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