From Dust to Dust - Plot Point 2

[piper90npcs]

Who: Everyone on the Dust to Dust Mission
What: The hires and their daemons attend a fancy party and follow up on some mysteries.
Where: A ballroom on the mission.
When: After From Dust to Dust - Plot Point One
Warnings/Notes: None yet.

Comments

[bothbarrels]

[ He replies in a quiet tone. ]

You don't what? You don't think you deserve it?

[ownperson]

I know I don't! Fuck, Drew, I know what I did isn't something forgivable, s'why I'm so fucking pissed at myself for not realising sooner what was happening.

[ She wants to pace, but there's no space for that; she wants to hit something to let out the restless enegry, but she's not supposed to be doing that either. ]

I don't... I don't care if you forgive me or not. I don't... look, if you still love me—the real me, right here and now, not... not some version of me in your head—and you decide it's worth trying to figure out how to fix how fucked up we've ended up, despite everything?

[ She looks him in the face again. ]

I don't need you to forgive me. I just need you not to lie about it. Because fuck, when you lie to me like that it makes me doubt everything else you've said to me.

[bothbarrels]

[ He's quick to respond to that. ]

I'm not lying. And I won't. Not anymore.

[ He shifts, glancing at Randi. ]

I don't know how we fix things. I think we can, but...I just...

[ He lets out a breath. ]

...don't think I can associate with you at all unless I can find it within myself to forgive you. That's all. For me, that's the first step.

[ownperson]

[ She flinches, and immediately feels selfish for it. This is the kind of progress towards actually dealing with his shit she wants him to be making. That he can declare that to her face is big, after he couldn't even say the words 'I don't forgive you' before.

It's exactly what she wants for him but it still makes something in her hurt terribly. Whatever measure of relief hearing him say he still loves her gave her withers, and him saying he thinks they could fix things doesn't help.

If he has to forgive her first... ]

O-Okay.

[ Her voice cracks, but she clears her throat again. Tears her eyes away from his face to stare at the wall again. Anja curls tighter and tighter around her shoulders. ]

If that's what you need, that's what you need.

[bothbarrels]

[ He feels bad at her reaction, but it really can't be helped at this point. ]

It is, yeah.

[ Randi comes forward a step and North puts his hand on her head. ]

I need to finish getting ready.

[ownperson]

[ South nods, and it’s a stiff, jerky, uncomfortable thing. She moves aside as much as she can to let him slip past her to get out the door, because she can tell already she’s going to need the relative privacy. ]

...one— one thing. I’ll keep giving you space but if that’s what you need, then— then stick to it, please. Don’t... don’t do things like checking up on me or— or offering to do my fucking hair, okay? If you can’t associate with me til you’re ready, don’t. It’s not fair.

You can ask York how I am if you need to.

[bothbarrels]

[ He gives a nod, his head tilted slightly. He knows he should have considered that before, but he needed to figure out an opening. And she had needed her hair fixed. But it did make things seem different from how it turned out to be, perhaps. ]

Okay. I'll do that.

[ownperson]

T-Thank you.

[ They needed to have this talk, but if he kept doing things like that... it’d kill her inside, she knows it. There’s only so much false hope she can take.

She jerks her head toward the door and doesn’t look at him. ]

Go on. Go get ready.

[ She can already feel the stinging in her eyes and she can’t let him see. He needs to stick to what he’s said, it’s progress even if it hurts. ]

[bothbarrels]

[ Randi leads the way and he proceeds to exit the room, letting the door click behind him. He's internally a little off-balance, now, but that's at least partially his own fault. ]

[ownperson]

[ The door clicks shut and South lets out a shuddering breath, moving to the back of the cubicle to brace herself with her back to the wall and just try to breathe.

Trying to be better really fucking sucks sometimes. ]