Corona [OPEN]

[piper90npcs]

Who: The New Hires and Planker
What: Fun
Where: The Gym
When: Post-plot.
Warnings/Notes: Foul language from Planker.

The first warning the New Hires have is that some of them quietly get pulled aside by various members of the staff before training even starts. Not only does this mean that some of the personnel had to wake up extra early, already a warning sign, but they don't mention why. They just take a few key people aside.

The second warning is when Planker walks in, whistling a cheerful tune and wearing a smile like a man with a three foot erection. "All right, you miserable fucking reprobates! Big Daddy Planker has heard your complaints about his training methods. Pity the Princess got transferred out, she could feel the love today." He paces in front of the assembled crew, doing his best to show off every little tooth. "And, believe you me, that's the only love that exists for you little shits! God doesn't love you, He's dead! I killed Him! He came upon me in His divine glory while I was showering and didn't duck fast enough when I turned around to face Him! And if you anorchous shit-stuffers don't want to be buried in the same fucking hole, you'll straighten those fucking backs and pay attention!"

He snaps his fingers, directing everyone's attentions to a series of chambers. Clear material forms the walls and the rest promises an obstacle course. "This is your obstacle course! And you are mine! I have permission to keep you here until I get bored! And if that means you blowzy copremetics will all get through this course." He slams his hand against one of the walls, then jabs a finger at the first person to catch his attention. "That means you, filth! Mount that wall, put some effort into it, and go! You! Join them!"

The course is an exercise in sadism, as only Planker could imagine. There are seven chambers.

• The first room seems simple enough, you simply have to run across. But the floor moves, like treadmills, and each segment is in an opposite direction. When the participant hits the floor an ear-piercing siren starts blaring, increasing in volume with every fall and not ceasing until the course is completed.
• The second room is a mud crawl under rows of concertina wire that snags and catches at the clothing, with stinging insects there to hurry people along. If the poor unfortunate is too slow, tear gas starts to fill the room.
• The third room has a set of irregular monkey bars, but they've been greased. It's set above a three foot pit filled with mouse traps straining to go off.
• The fourth room has, dangling from strings, chattering stun guns at various heights. There are sparking hurdles, as well, wrapped in barbed wire to snag at any clothing and drag people in to the electrified bars. Three double-sided cattle prods rotate like ceiling fans, threatening anyone who gets too close. To add to the stupidity, the floor is covered in tires.
• The fifth room brings them to a ball pit! But some of the balls are electroshock grenades. Some are glue bombs. And some of them are flashbangs. Both are set to go off on contact.
• The penultimate room has air rams that go off as the participant drags a dummy (or their partner. Or the previous, possibly unconscious, runner.) through, blasting powerfully enough to knock a man off of his feet. To make things worse, giant strips of fly paper stretch across the room, snaring anyone unfortunate enough to get caught.
• The seventh, and final, room has something different. Carrying a tool box, the participant has to dash up a spiraling ramp that has alternating barrels and greased ball bearings dropping down at regular intervals. At the end, they have to solve a puzzle and disarm a bomb. If they fail to do it in time, the 'bomb' goes off. Unfortunately for them, Planker isn't allowed to use a real bomb. Instead, the box underneath the bomb springs open, revealing an enraged skunk.

After about the third person starts to go through, Planker will press a button. At that point, the chambers will rise up, revealing wheels, and start to move about the gym in swift circles, controlled via his remote, designed to throw the people inside off-balance and remove any illusion of stable footing. To add salt to the wound, there are cameras in every chamber, capturing every possible humiliation for editing and presenting to whoever Planker sees fit later on.

[[Obviously you don't have to participate. Your character was taken aside for some reason. Otherwise, you can either have your characters run through, react to, or simply have them talk about being forced to undergo this new, improved obstacle course later.]]

Comments

[wheyoftheadept]

Saturday surveys their hard work for a moment. The ballpit is more of a platforming challenge, now, with islands of safe hardened glue in a thin sea of plastic balls and grenades.

"Looks good to me. Race you!"

She leaps into action like a bullet from a gun. Saturday has two settings: at rest, and angry squirrel on meth. And she is no longer at rest.

[kingofneworleans]

Of course she cheats. Remy laughs whole-heartedly as he takes off after her. He's not nearly as fast, but he has longer legs and his balance is impeccable. It'll be a close race, for certain.

[wheyoftheadept]

It's not cheating, it's tactics. It's also tactics when she launches herself off one of the embedded glue grenades hard enough to set off another wave, and fast enough not to get caught herself as she flips out of the way.

One or two obstacles are all in good fun. It's just being bloody unfair that she objects to.

[kingofneworleans]

It's absolutely cheating. And, luckily, she telegraphs her move just enough that he can get his arm up and protect his eyes from any flashbangs. It's just enough to throw him off his rhythm, though, and means that Saturday is able to make it to the other side ahead of him.

Still, he's not even breathing hard when his feet find the platform and he tsks. "Well den. Guess I know where I stan' wit' you now, hein?"

[wheyoftheadept]

"Pfft. I just did you a favor; now you know who you're dealing with." Saturday grins. "Next time, you're gonna beat me. Longer legs - "

What she intends to say next is lost in a wash of pain. She doubles over, gasping, as a burning hand grabs her spine and shakes.

"Fuck."

It lasts a good ten seconds. Saturday is very tough; Planker has an idea of what she can take. By the time he's done, she's down on one knee and one fist, because she refuses to kneel.

[kingofneworleans]

Remy would have shot back with something, certainly, but the moment she goes down? He does as well. Goes straight down to his knees, curled over because the pain absolutely took the legs out from under him.

By the time those ten seconds are over, his jaw is aching from holding back any sound. He doesn't have a problem with the kneeling, but he'll be damned if they'll make him scream.

Only once the pain has receeded does he put his hands down on the floor, certain that his powers won't get away from him. "You can say dat 'gain." He lets out a breath before sitting back on his heels, working his jaw to get it to deal with the ache. "Guessin' Planker ain't too keen on our pro'lem solvin' skills, petite."

[wheyoftheadept]

Saturday is stretching her metal hand; it's magic, not technology, and still feels and cramps and wounds like a normal arm. Unfortunately. There are little indents in the palm from her metal fingernails.

"Planker can eat my ass," she rasps out. "It was worth it."

Even her lungs ache.

[kingofneworleans]

"Mais oui. Absolument." Slipping back into French for a moment while his brain descrambled itself. At least it's pretty easy to understand as an agreement. "Rather he ate onea my cards, but dat's gonna have to wait."

He needs the cards he has right now to keep from being bored. But one day.

Well. Probably not because Remy doesn't kill easily. But it's a thought.

[wheyoftheadept]

"Okay." Saturday forces herself up and rolls her neck. Oh, god, that hurts. But she can shove it away. Will shove it away. Still, she's a bit slow looking into the next room.

"What next... aw, fuck this guy." She stares flatly at the air rams. Bomp. Bomp. Bomp. "Seriously, I will pay for his penthouse subscription. This is unnecessary."

Bomp.

She drags a hand down her face.

[kingofneworleans]

"You still got Penthouse in de future?" It's flippant, but slightly tired as well. Because there's a lot going on in that room. "Al'ight. What you t'inkin'? Jus' see if we can run 'cross?"

He looks back to the ball pit. "Could maybe take out some of de air rams. But might jus' make t'ings worse."

[wheyoftheadept]

"Chummer, we got Penthouse in surround sound. BTL chips, better-than-life. Full sensorium daydream drugs, plug 'em into your spine and experience it like it's happening to you, 'cause it is."

She leans her head against the door frame. "I dunno, I'm kinda inclined to throw my body on the gears for spite. If he's gonna have us playing stupid games either way..."

[kingofneworleans]

He blinks at that, obviously giving it some thought. Then shakes his head. "T'ink maybe dat's a bit too far for me. But I can definitely see where people'd be interested." It's not that he wouldn't have a few times in his life. But right now, he's good.

He leans on the other side, frowning. "Yeah, but might be more painful dan it's worth." His eyes look over the room, frown growing. "Might jus' be dat we muscle t'rough it. Easier if we got a pattern, 'course."

[wheyoftheadept]

Saturday squints and starts counting beats. "You count the right hand side, I'll count the left?"

There is a pattern, or she should say a kind of patterned randomness that she recognized. Not exactly a beat you can dance to, but a kind of telegraphing intake of breath into the vent before it belches the ram out.

"Might make it. Wonder if I could ride the ram to cut down the flypaper, though."

[kingofneworleans]

"Mmm. Might wanna be careful wit' de destruction. Well, de stuff dat ain't so 'accidental'." Remy doesn't mind taking the shocks for himself. But Saturday is still a kid in his eyes (even if she's probably far closer to his age than he'd like to think). Which means at least a little bit of protecting.

"Ridin' de ram, though. Dat might have some possibilities." There was a pattern. With a little luck and skill, they might be able to run across the top of them.

[wheyoftheadept]

"Hmph, I'm nowhere near a violation. But fine." Saturday is absolutely willing to cut off her nose to spite her face at any time. If it had wanted to stay pretty, it shouldn'ta tried to tell her what to do.

"I mean, it's not the dumbest thing I ever tried. That was probably climbin' on a dragon that didn't want me there in mid-flight, an' I pulled that off. So."

[kingofneworleans]

"Ain't worried 'bout de infractions. 'M more worried 'bout gettin' shocked in de middle of de room." Which could be bad for either one of them, really.

"An' it ain't even in de top ten of de dumbest t'ings I've tried." Which is why Remy grins at her, then takes a run to jump on top of the first air ram. Which shakes his balance a bit when it stops, but he's good enough to keep his feet.

Then it's...practically a dance across the tops of the air rams. One that gets a bit rattled from time to time as Remy has to fight for his balance. But he doesn't fall and he makes it to the other side in one piece and not sporting any fly paper, so that's a win, right?

Right.

[wheyoftheadept]

Saturday cackles and takes off after him. And has a somewhat easier time, at that; she's able to watch and follow his timing, like a very high stakes game of Simon Says. Thus, she is able to end her run with a thoroughly smug forward flip and landing that'd get ten from everyone but the russian judge.

"Ha. Eat shit, Planker. Now what?"

[kingofneworleans]

"Show off." Like he hadn't been doing exactly the same thing. Actually, he's not that much of a hypocrite. He's grinning as he says it, after all.

He looks into the next room and reaches up to rub his face. "Took a lesson offa de Indiana Jones movies, I t'ink." Because he can see the staircase and the tool box and it's just not going to be that easy, is it? "Guessin' whatever we gotta do to get outta dis room is at de top of dose stairs."

[wheyoftheadept]

"I don't like the tool box. Why would we be given something useful?"

She frowns.

"What if we used the tools to dismantle the ramp?" That feels like a smart person solution, and this looks like a smart person problem.

[kingofneworleans]

"Ain't too certain what dat'd be a solution to," Remy replies, rubbing the back of his head as he looks over the room and the ramp. "Lookin' like what we need is up dere, after all. Now, ain't sayin' we have to go UP de ramp, but dismantlin' it don' seem de way t' go, neither."

He walks over, opening the tool box. "Still. Buncha stuff in here dat could be useful. But ain't much tellin' what's up dere."

[wheyoftheadept]

"The solution to Planker getting his own way?" Saturday suggests, and then gives up on the idea without too much fuss. She looks through the toolbox instead, giving a hammer a few experimental swings.

"Heh. When all you have is a hammer... maybe there's something we have to build?" She looks up. "There's probably a trigger for whatever's on top somewhere on the ramp itself. I could climb the outside, try to see what's gonna hit us without triggering it?"

[kingofneworleans]

"Oui, would be. But den we're blowin' a hole in de side to get out an' I can't see him bein' all dat happy 'bout dat." Remy shrugs. Sometimes, the easiest way out was through.

He looks at the stairs and nods. "Dat'd be de smart play. Seein' what we gotta deal wit' 'fore we get up dere to do it."

[wheyoftheadept]

Saturday rubs her hands together and commences to climb. She's not bad at it, either. When she reaches the first trigger, she calls down.

"Thing's booby-trapped! Not sure what with. Assume it'll be annoying!"

A bit further, and then:

"Uh, there's like. A bomb?"

[kingofneworleans]

"Wit' dis homme? 'M assumin' everyt'ing is annoyin'." It's the only way to get through any of this.

Still, Remy crouches down to start looking at the tool box when that second pronouncement comes down. He curses under his breath, grabbing up the tool kit. "Can you get up okay from dere?" He probably shouldn't ask her to, but they need eyes on the bomb to see how to disarm it.

On the other hand, he makes his way to the spiral staircase to start up it, careful of the trigger that she'd pointed out earlier.

[wheyoftheadept]

Saturday tracks his progress, calling out problems as she sees them. It mostly works, though there's a few close calls. She keeps her other eye on the bomb.

"I don't see a timer - there's some kind of box around it? And these three uh, little pillar things with a bunch of rings around them, all different sizes. I think I recognize it. It's uh, a puzzle, I think. From this trid game - you gotta move the discs around or something."

She's describing the Tower of Hanoi, and usually she makes Maggie solve it for her. Which is why she's mostly remembering it as "the thing that makes Maggie freak out swearing and throw controllers across the room even though it's really easy for her." Not a series of references Gambit would understand.

"I could probably solve it." She's not sounding half as dubious as she feels.