goneawayworld | Invasion!

Entry tags:

Invasion!

Who: The New Hires
What: Sudden Memory Share
Where: Their Memory Palaces
When: After Intermission
Warnings/Notes: Possible in every memory, warn in subject lines.

Contact.

It's during a pause in their day. A nap. An idle moment looking across the Top Deck. Taking a slow breath between reps in the training room.

The New Hires are connected. Mental pathways locking together, they're forced into one another's innermost beings. Thrust into one another's memory palaces where the mind collects and stores everything that makes them who they are. The core of their beings are only a few steps away and no one can help the violation.

To make matters worse, it comes with no explanation or no ability to pull out and stop. Once they're through the first memory, perhaps they can find a way out, but they're already witnessing some event from their host's past. And, if they left, who knows whether or not they'd end up accidentally invading another memory palace?

And if they were there, who was in theirs?

[[So, how this works: the memories can either be viewed in spectator mode or experiencing everything themselves. The person whose memories are being shown, the host, can watch as their current self or take the form they had of their past self.

They cannot control the first memory shown, the player decides that, but they can control any other memories they'd like to show people. Of course, there's always the option of an extreme emotional reaction bringing up memories unbidden.]]

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"I'm very much not certain how I'm here." The fact that Sirius is here, but not...reassuring Peter is weird. Not impossible, but... "I'm guessing this is some sort of Occlumency. But a sort I've never run into before."

He pushes himself to his feet, walking over to Sirius. Not entirely certain what to do with this. He'd felt Sirius's emotions during the memory, his anger and worry and, most of all, the shame when James called him out on not trusting Remus and WHY. Not that Remus hadn't known about it, but...

He walks over, opening his mouth to say something when everything changes around them. Not in the way that memory!Sirius had said, where he'd have found himself outside the house in Godric's Hollow. This was a city. A Muggle neighborhood.

And Peter was running away from a very wild looking Sirius and the weight in Remus's stomach dropped further. "Can you think of...of something else?"

Sirius had no idea what to say to Remus. He'd apologized before and he would again, as many times as he needed, but his memory had just been laid bare. Seeing James again had rattled him badly. That was the last chance Sirius had to listen to his friend and avoid all of this.

He waited to Remus to say something. Then everything changed and he caught sight of Peter. The guilt, hurt, and longing in his eyes hardened. Anger coursed through him. This moment.

He tried to think of something else, but did he want to? Wasn't this the proof Remus wanted?

No, he didn't want to see the bodies again.

Sirius tried to think of something else. Hogwarts, maybe. Their old flat, the rig, Remus yelling at him. It was all too distant now. He felt his own anger from the past combining with his own but he didn't think he could blame it on whatever this Occlumency was. His hands shook and he balled them into fists.

Sirius shook his head. "I'm trying but--" He'd closed his eyes and gritted his teeth. "I can't think of anything else."

It takes a moment, but Remus reaches out and takes one of Sirius's hands. The first time he's willingly touched Sirius since they had met up again. "It's okay," he says after a moment. "I probably deserve to see this, too."

It is the proof he wanted, after all. Even if part of him recoils from the knowledge, can't really believe it. Peter was their FRIEND. He'd been their friend all through Hogwarts and this?

He watches as dispassionately as he can, though the blast makes him physically pull back, pull next to Sirius. He hasn't let go of the other man's hand. And when it's over, when Sirius is hysterical and laughing, all he can say? "That...that fucking rat."

Sirius had forgotten what the brush of Remus's hand felt like. He thought he'd known but realized now it was just an echo. But his body remembered and his fingers immediately uncurled from his palm. He held Remus's hand cautiously, expecting him to pull away. But he stayed.

He couldn't really believe this was happening.

Sirius didn't jerk back when Peter cast the spell. He'd seen it too many times in his own head. He'd had enough time that now he could feel the emotions that overwhelmed him then. He pressed one hand to his face, mirroring his past self. But with his other he still held onto Remus.

He didn't say anything for a long moment. When he spoke again, his voice came out strangled. "I'm sorry."

It was on the tip of his tongue that Sirius didn't have anything to apologize for. But then he remembered James and what he'd told Sirius and he swallowed that back.

Instead, he replied, "Accepted." He squeezes Sirius's hand back, turning to look at Sirius. "And I'm also sorry. I...I should have known better."

Whatever was powering this let go of Sirius's memories, instead seizing on what had come to Remus's mind.

A small, dark hotel room, the clock announcing a time of twenty past five in the morning. A slightly younger Remus enters the room, bag in one hand and a newspaper tucked under the other arm. Exhaustion lines his face as he drops the bag on the bed, reaching out to turn on the light so that he can see.

The lights come on and Remus jumps, finding he's not alone in the room. He reaches for his wand before the face registers and he sighs, shoulders slumping. "Professor McGonagall."

The cat in the room changes shape, becoming an older woman in well kept robes. Contrasting with his own much shabbier ones. "Remus. How many times must I tell you to call me Minerva? I'm not your teacher any more."

He smiles wanly. "Another few hundred times and for the rest of my life, no doubt. You'll always be my teacher, after all." The smile grows a bit stronger at her admonishing tut before he shakes his head, glancing down at the paper. French. With a date of 2 Novembre, 1981. "Is there a reason you've come all this way, Profes--Minerva?" he asks, holding back a yawn. "It's been rather a long trip, having to go the Muggle way. And a round about one at that. I feel like I've barely stopped for the past two days."

Something in her face falls and that gives Remus the clue he needs that things are serious. More series than he might have realized. "You haven't heard, then?"

"Heard what?" Remus blinks owlishly at her, stifling another yawn.

Her face goes from serious to...sympathetic as Minerva McGonagall steps forward, taking his upper arms. "I'm...I'm so sorry, Remus," she says slowly. "It's...it's James and Lily. They were betrayed."

His knees go weak as it registers. The past tense. The words themselves. And the fact that they all know who had to have betrayed them.

She says more. Assures him that Harry is safe. With family. Which means Petunia and her terribly Muggle husband. That He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named is dead. That Peter, by that time, is also dead. And Sirius...Sirius is in custody.

Which is when he absolutely collapses, unable to take any more. And Minerva does her best to hold on and give him somebody to lean against when Remus has literally lost everything in his world.

Sirius told himself he hadn't hoped for forgiveness though he had, of course a part of him always had, but this was what he needed. Understanding. Remus finally knew. And Merlin, he actually apologized to him. And this was another thing Sirius told himself, that he didn't blame Remus for it even though a small part of him did. He knew he didn't have the right to. He also knew it'd fade with time.

"It's alright," he replied softly before the street disappeared and they were in a hotel room.

This wasn't his memory but he had wondered what it was like. It wasn't that far off from how he pictured it. That didn't make it easier to watch.

This was his fault too.

There had been tears in his eyes before. Now they finally spilled over.

"I'm sorry," he blurted out in a shaky voice. He'd already apologized a minute ago but right now it felt like an ocean full of apologies would never be enough. "I hoped-- someone would be with you when..." When Remus found out.

Forgiveness would take a little time. Right now, even though he knew and understood what had happened, it stung. It was hard to forgive something that caused a wound that still often felt raw.

"Dumbledore sent her. Since he knew where I was going to be." As Remus had been on a mission for the headmaster. "I..." He pauses, looking around before shaking his head. "Are you asleep? I think it might be better to wake up and talk there. Where we don't risk everything changing around us."

He reaches up, brushing his thumb against the tears on Sirius's cheek. "It'll be okay. I know the truth now."

Sirius took a deep breath.

He couldn't believe he'd ever be happy with James and Lily gone. But Remus was right. Things could be okay now that he knew.

"Yeah," he said. He wanted to take Remus's hand and kiss it but knowing the truth didn't mean they could go back to what they were.

This really was a conversation they needed to have in person.

"I don't want to see anything more. I'll see you in our room." Not that they'd really shared it. Now they could... assuming Sirius hadn't gone mad.

He closed his eyes and, without any real effort, he found himself coming to on the Rig. Well, now he knew where to go and wait. And hope.

Nothing was ever going to be the way it was again. Too much had happened, too much lost for everything to be exactly the same.

But Remus hoped, at least, they could get back to something close to it.

The line between sleep and waking was thin and Remus pushed himself to his feet without thought. The floor was cold as anything, but that didn't matter at the moment. He pulled his jumpsuit closer around himself as he went to the door, looking for Sirius. And not letting out the breath he was holding until the other man was there.

Which was when he reached out, pulling Sirius toward him into a tight hug.

"I'm sorry," he mumbled against Sirius's shoulder. "I should have known better. I should have...it didn't feel right at the time, but everybody said it was true and they had all the proof and I still should have..."

Sirius clung to Remus. He'd never felt a need like this. There was nothing romantic or sensual about it. The closest he could get was when he had run away and to James's house. But this went deeper than that. He'd needed this for so long.

"No, I'm sorry." Sirius was crying again and he turned his face away from Remus's neck to make sure he didn't feel any of them. "I didn't even have any reason and I thought it was you." He'd had reasons at the time, fed by Peter, but none of them held up. It was all lies and self-deception. "It's my fault."

"Oh, shut up." He wrapped his arms tighter around Sirius. A couple of months on the Rig had helped start to fill him out again. The food wasn't great, but it was at least enough calories to keep him going. Even enough to put on some weight again. "It was Peter's fault. And Voldemort's. You were an idiot, but I've rather come to expect that of you."

It wasn't meanly said. Or meant, even. But Sirius had been an idiot for many reasons for a lot of years. "You had the right idea. It should have worked." It should have gotten him killed, but they both knew that. "It's not your fault that he was more of a rat than either of us ever imagined."

The Rig food had been kind to Sirius as well, for all that everyone complained. It'd take more than a couple months to recover from Azkaban, but at least he was no longer just skin and bones.

Unfortunately all that meant they probably would never fit they way they used to, even if it was just a hug. But it was more than good enough for now. If it were up to him, he could've stood like this forever as long as his arms were around Remus.

He let out a ragged breath. "I never should have listened to him. Everything he said. He was just trying to turn us against each other." Possibly trying with Remus, certainly succeeding with Sirius. Who knew what he told James and Lily.

As far as Remus knew, Peter hadn't tried with any of the rest of them. Unfortunately, the way that Sirius had been brought up meant it was easiest to affect his outlook.

Not that Remus cared. Not any more, at least.

Remus pulled away, bringing his hands up to cup Sirius's face. "Stop. You need to let that go, at least for now." He shook his head, leaning in to lightly kiss Sirius on the lips. "Forgive me for thinking it could have been you?"

Sirius was almost too surprised to return the kiss before Remus pulled away. Whatever cycle of guilt and self-loathing he'd fallen into, that kiss had snapped him out of it.

"Of course," he said. He knew he could forgive Remus for most anything and he no longer felt guilty about that fact. That didn't mean it was reciprocal. He hesitated before asking. "Do you forgive me?"

"I can't say that it doesn't hurt," Remus replied after a moment. "Or that I'll forget it happened. But yes, Sirius. I forgive you."

Until he had Sirius there, until he'd actually held him, he hadn't been certain he could. But...well, the old problem was still there. He loved Sirius. He'd never stopped. So forgiving him wasn't as difficult as it had felt.

Sirius accepted that. The only sign of hurt on his face was what had been there before. Forgiveness was more than he deserved. For Remus to forget it happened would have been to ask the impossible.

Since he didn't want Remus to tell him to shut up again, he chose not to voice any of that. At least half of it went unspoken anyway.

"Thank you," was what he said instead. He relaxed his hold on Remus and lowered his hands down to the middle of his back. He leaned in but turned his head instead of going in for a kiss. He rubbed his cheek against Remus's. "Does this mean I get to sleep in a bed now?"

A joke was the best way he could tell if things were really alright between them. If it was allowed, things really were going to be alright. If not... well, this would all take a lot longer.

"You could have slept in a bed at any time. Just...not one in here." At least Remus looked embarrassed about that. Really, he hadn't handled things well. And while understandable, it didn't make him feel any better about the way he'd acted. "Anyway, yes. You get to sleep in a bed."

He was quiet for a moment, then sighed and admitted, "I've always slept better with you there, anyway."

Sirius kissed Remus's cheek. "I never really need a bed. It's not hard for Padfoot to get comfortable." Though a blanket definitely improved things.

He pressed his forehead against Remus's. They'd both had too many lonely nights, haunted by what they'd lost.

"I have nightmares," Sirius said after a moment. "It's easier when I'm Padfoot but I might wake you."

Remus let out a shuddering breath, pressing his forehead harder against Sirius's. It had been so long since they'd been allowed this.

Still, he had to huff a soft laugh at that. "I think we're both likely to wake each other." Remus had his fair share of nightmares as well, after all. They weren't the same, but he had been a fighter in the main battles of the Order and one of the best wizarding duelists there was. "But I'm okay with that if you are."

"If you have ten nightmares every night, I'll still sleep better with you." He closed his eyes and just took everything in for a moment. He still felt guilty but there was such relief now that Remus believed him, held him and...

"I love you," Sirius finally dared to say.

Remus felt his breath hitch as he swayed toward Sirius. It had seemed impossible. After everything, after all that he'd said?

A few tears made it past his eyelashes as well as he clutched at Sirius. "I never stopped," he said after a moment. "I kept thinking it would all be easier if I could, but I...I never could." He lifted his head, brushing a light kiss against Sirius's mouth. "I love you, too."

For a moment, Sirius looked at Remus. Then he cupped Remus's face in his hands and kissed him. This time it was far from light, desperate and passionate.

There was no lust. He was sure neither of them were ready for that. But he'd wanted this so badly for so long. And as much as he loved to hear that Remus had never stopped, it still hurt to know that he'd suffered because of it.

They'd both suffered and, for the time being, were away from the situation. It was something that would have to be dealt with. Eventually. But, for now, it was enough for Remus that Sirius was there and with him.

He finally broke the kiss after a good minute, needing to breathe. "Is a mattress on the floor enough for a bed right now? Because I don't want to let you go." And the beds were the kind built into the wall. "Why I couldn't be left with a touch of transfiguration, I don't know."

Sirius stroked Remus's cheek. "You don't have to. I could sleep anywhere as long as you're next to me."

He glanced at the beds. If he had all of his magic, he could have easily made them a proper bed with comfortable sheets. Who knew when ~~or if~~ he'd have that again. "The only transfiguration I kept is my animagus form. At least Padfoot can keep you company again." He'd been worried-- and frustrated-- that he'd been unable to be with Remus every full moon since Sirius left him.

"So, both mattresses on the floor, then." It was the best compromise. And would be better for keeping warm, too. "Only transfiguration I really have is the mending charm. Useful for clothes, at least, if nothing else."

He paused, then pulled back and gave Sirius a brilliant smile. "I have news on that, actually. Come on. Let's deal with the mattresses, first, then talk where we don't have to keep standing."

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